Orchard of Mines
by Finaly123
Summary: Life. What does it mean for you? I tell you, you don't know the prize of life until you are loosing it. How do I know it? I'm dying. Modern AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N  
**So, I'm starting a new story.  
I'll try to update as regularly as I will be able to.  
I'm sorry for my English, it's not my native language.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Story inspired by the song 'Orchard of Mines' (later chapters)  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

_Life._

What does it means for you?  
Is it precious? Or is it just a usual daily thing?  
I tell you, you don't know the prize of life until you're loosing it.  
How do I know it?

I'm dying.

I'm dying on leukemia. It stroked fast. I didn't even realize it. No one did. But it was here, slowly growing inside my body. Killing me second by second.

Once I was a causal girl.

Now I'm weak, my skin white like the walls around me. Looking like a skeleton. Numb to pain, without a taste for fun. For food. For anything.

How much time remains me? No one knows. They said few months. How much is it? Two? Or ten maybe? I don't know.

I just know, that I'm thinking differently. I'm looking at world in another way. I'm trying the enjoy my life. Better said, what remained of it.  
I'm trying to enjoy every second of the day. Because I don't know when my life is going to end.

Memories are floating through my mind while lying on hospital bed.

White walls around me, sisters with forced smiles, doctors with a bit of understanding in their faces.  
I shouldn't even be here!

"Fate cannot be changed," someone said. I don't believe him. Or her. I don't believe in fate. Because I don't like the idea of freedom being taken from me.  
Lots of people here surrender to their fate which they believe in. But I don't. I'll at least try to fight against leukemia.

What should I say?

I still have a chance. But I don't have the money for chemotherapy. And I won't force anyone into helping me.

And then there's a question racing through my head: Who would miss me? No one.  
Yes, they'll mourn me at first but the'll move on. They'll have to move on.

Maybe before a year I would tell that there's one person. But I can't tell that anymore. The person's gone.

My name is Eponine. Eponine Thenárdier. And I'm dying on leukemia.

Everything was different before a year. But he chose his way and if it made him happy, I won't object.  
Everything could be different. He just doesn't want the things to be different.  
Maybe he doesn't even remember me. Year is a long time for someone like him.  
But short for someone like me.  
Well, I don't know about my sickness one year, just a few weeks. But even these weeks seems like seconds to me. And with each other second, my life is closer and closer to death. Not only my life. Everyone's.

But still, I give it a try. I'm trying to fight, but I cannot use money. I'm not a rich person.

I don't blame him though. It isn't his fault. This sickness was inside me. But memories of him are reminding. Well his name is written in my heart, so what would you expect from me? Maybe it is hurting me more than helping, but I won't delete it. Firstly, because I just can't and secondly, because he meant so much in my life. He still means. You won't forget on person you love that easily. So memories of him are still floating through my mind.

You know, when you have a time, memories are coming to you without even trying to remember. And I have a lot of time for thinking.

One thing that I'm scared mostly is: What will happen to my siblings? Who'll be there for them? Who'll be their support? They would be taken to foster homes probably. And I can't do anything.

Instead of doing something useful, I'm just lying here, thinking. I'm too weak for doing exercises. Too weak for a walk which is longer than fifteen minutes. Every touch makes bruises on my skin. With every touch it is worse and worse.

But I get never bored of thinking. There is so much of things you can think of...

I'm thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing. Looking at the ceiling of the room for hours. Taking a small walk to balcony and back to bed again.  
I'm alone here. No one to talk to. They are coming to see me everyday though. Everyday I have to see their broken looks or tears, which they won't let fall in front of me.  
I'm smiling at them, but they know, I'm not alright.

Time is really floating fast here. And yet, it seems like eternity for me.

What should I do? I only have to wait.

So I'm waiting. Waiting for miracles to come.

Waiting for him to come.

* * *

**A/N**  
So, Prologue is short.  
Next chapter would be longer.  
Also, I'm going to change POV's in next chapters. I will let you know though.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**  
So, Chapter 2.  
I'm surprised, how much people is reading this.  
Really big thanks to all my followers! I didn't expect that amount after first chapter, so really big thanks.  
Also, thanks for reviewing and favoring. It means a lot for me.  
I'm going to switch from first person to third person at the end, and it'll be happening through the whole story.  
Enjoy!  
_Italics: Dream_

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

Well, maybe I should start with what the leukemia is. I won't use that super-long titles which won't tell you much. I've got acute leukemia. That means it is quick and you'll die in few months without proper treatment. My blood cells aren't developing fully. And that's the problem.  
You know, worst thing is, that you don't even realize it is inside you. I wasn't even sick more than two times this year. Yes, I was sweating, having temperatures, headaches. But I've got them in my usual life too. Second thing is that I lose my weight rapidly. I didn't care much, but my sister was telling me to visit doctor.  
She was the one who brought me here. I was against it. I thought I was just too tired. How wrong I was...

So, now I'm here.  
Alone.  
But I like my solitude. It's something you can count on when nobody's here. Solitude is always here.

My look fell on my pale, bruised arms. How I hate my weakness. How would I like to throw it away with leukemia too. But I know I can't. I can't throw myself away. I can't throw away a part of me as much as I hate it.

Alive, but trapped.  
That's what I am now.  
Trapped in these cold white rooms with my own solitude, waiting for dreams to come true.

Door on my room opened slowly.  
"Thinking again Miss Eponine?" Doctor Valjean appeared in the doorway. I exhaled, ready for the usual talk with him.  
"How are you feeling today?" he came to window, looking out from it.  
"As always,"I whispered. He came to my side, checking my temperature. He was used to me already. After all he was my friend's father.  
"Don't give up," he said with loud sigh.  
"I won't and you know it. We had this conversations earlier," I said.  
"We had," he said, thinking.  
"You're a special person Eponine," he started.  
"No, Mr. Valjean. Don't start this again. I'm not special. I'm...was causal. I won't give up till the hope is still here. Maybe it was wrong but I've read those papers," I said pointing on small table where papers lied. "From what I understand it says my state is poor. I have a chance with chemotherapy. I don't have money. My chances are smaller with that. I'm waiting for miracles to come. But what will happen, if they won't?" my voice echoed through the white room.  
"We are what we think we are. This is exactly why you are special. Look around yourself. What do you see?" he asked me, sitting on the corner of hospital bed.  
"White ceiling, white walls, sister who is working with so much passion..." I told to myself in my mind.  
"Look, Eponine. There are people who gave up immediately and they have the money for chemotherapy. You're a tough one," he said smiling. I nodded, but in my head his words mean nothing. Almost. He's right in some points.  
"You know what? I would like to see your smile. You're never smiling,"he stated.  
"I don't have a reason to." He was silently observing me.  
"Well Eponine, I have to go. Hope for better tomorrow," he said walking out of the room.  
"I will. Hope is never silent."

How many words have been spoken about the dream that still survives? How many words have been spoken to keep the hope alive? I sighed. Maybe too much words without any consequences.

And I'm alone again with my solitude. Clocks in front of me told me, that they'll come soon. But it was so long time for a lonely person. You know what? I lost concept of time a long time ago. And yet, only few weeks passed. It's all about that concept of time. Once you see everything in seconds, in another moment seconds become eternity.

I think, that one of the worst part of leukemia is, that you are so tired. So exhausted and you didn't do anything to make you feel so. You're just lying here and you feel like you've worked all the day.

My eyes moved to window. It was raining. How depressive... and calming...and sad. I like rain. Most of people don't but I do. In one word it's beautiful. And so dark and cold in the same time. But at least, it makes flowers grow.

I'm drifting into my sleep with the calm sound of the rain. Waiting. Hoping. Expecting. Dreaming dreams which won't come true.

* * *

_Darkness. Darkness all around me. Not a spark of light. Not a beam of sun. Cold unfeeling darkness.  
Where am I?_  
_A small spark of light appeared right before my eyes. My hand moved to it, touched it. I was looking as the spark was absorbed by darkness which is forming my hand. I destroyed it!  
"No," I whispered looking around, looking at myself seeing only darkness. A freezing insane laugh echoed through this damned place. Laugh of a lost madman. Suddenly a person appeared before me. Person of light. The warm of his light was absorbing by coolness of this dark place. Person, somehow I know it was a man, was walking to me.  
"No!" I shouted at him, but he was coming closer and closer.  
"Stop! I'll destroy you!" I screamed desperately at him. He didn't listen. His warm presence was nearer and nearer. I fell on my knees, head bowed. Insane laugh wasn't stopping. Madman seemed to enjoy it.  
"Please, go away,"I whispered.  
"Come with me. Escape from living this stupid lies," he said. My eyes met his. I freeze. It was HIM. Golden light was shining from him, making my eyes close.  
"No, don't. Don't touch me!" I screamed but his fingers was already reaching. Skin touched skin. I felt like burning inside.  
"Stop it! Leave me! You're hurting me! You're hurting yourself!" I shouted in agony of pain.  
"Leave me!"_  
_"Th_ere's no way you can escape now!" Madman's voice appeared. "You'll stay like this forever! You can't escape!" he laughed and his voice was slowly fading away.  
_"No,"I whispered again._  
_His hand left my arm slowly. I looked up at him, only to see his hand darkened. I didn't even want to look at my arm now. I know what I'll find.  
"Now we're united forever," his soft voice made my heart cracking.  
"You don't know what you're doing!" I whispered silently, tears forming in my eyes.  
"I'll destroy you. I'm darkness. You can't live by my side. "  
"That is true, but I can try it," he said._  
_I was looking exactly at him. I was looking as darkness absorbed him slowly. I was looking as the last spark of his presence disappeared. I was looking at the light brand on my arm filling up with darkness._  
_"No!"  
But it was too late._

* * *

**Third person's POV**

Azelma opened the door to the room slowly. Her look immediately found her sister, lying on a hospital bed.  
"Be quiet, she's sleeping," she said to Combeffere and Gavroche standing behind her. She didn't wait for a respond, she walked into room. Boys found her by her sister's side already.  
"God, she's so pale," Combeffere sighed, sitting on a chair.  
"And she's sweating too much," Azelma added, wiping her sister's sweated forehead with handkerchief. Gavroche was sitting silently on the corner of the bed, watching his sister sleeping. Eponine murmured something, her head turned and her facial expression changed to a scared one.  
"She can't even rest properly," Combeffere stood up and walked to window.  
"No," they heard her soft whispering. It was so full of emotion that all heads turned to her. It was hardly a whisper. It seemed like something outside the reality. So soft and caring, yet scared and frustrated. Her head turned on the other side sharply.  
"Shouldn't we wake her up? I don't like this," Gavroche asked, while watching his sister's face. Her breathing fastened.  
"She's having nightmares. What would you expect," Combeffere sighed, still looking from the window.  
"I don't like this either," Azelma sighed. Combeffere turned around, walking to Eponine's side.  
"Maybe we should," he muttered, watching her.  
"NO!"her weak voice screamed. Her eyes shot open and she was sitting suddenly. Azelma gently placed her hands on Eponine's shoulders, pushing her down as softly, as only sibling can.  
"Easy 'Ponine. We're here. It was just a nightmare," she said, her voice trembling. That desperate look in Eponine's eyes didn't scare only Azelma and Gavroche but Combeffere too.  
"Just a nightmare," Azelma repeated. Eponine's disoriented look was moving from one face to another.  
"Here 'Ponine," Azelma whispered carefully grabbing her hand. It seemed that the touch had calmed her a little. Eponine closed her eyes and exhaled.  
"How was the school today?" her weak voice appeared suddenly.  
"Fine," Azelma said. Eponine's eyes opened and met with Gavroche.  
"And you?"she asked him.  
"Fine too," Gavroche said his voice quite scared. Combeffere could tell, that Gavroche had fear still in his eyes.  
"That's good," she said lifting herself up. Azelma helped her and she rested her body against the wall.  
"Are you alright?" Combeffere asked her, sitting next to Gavroche.  
"Headache, nothing unusual,"Eponine said.  
"Should I go for a doctor? You're sweating far too much" Azelma asked, wiping the sweat from Eponine's forehead.  
"There's no need to."  
They were silent.

"Eponine, there's something you should know about..."  
"Stop Combeffere. You cannot," Azelma cut him off angrily.  
"She has a right to know..."  
"Don't. Give us a minute. We must discuss some things," Azelma said and Combeffere followed her to the corridor.  
"You know what's happening?"Eponine asked Gavroche.  
"Yes, but I can't tell you. I promised,"he answered.  
"Okay," Eponine sighed. She was curious but she let it be.  
"Does it hurt?" Gavroche asked suddenly, pointing on bruises on her arms.  
"Not much."  
"You shouldn't be here. This shouldn't happened to you," he said his young voice too serious.  
"It is the way it is Gav. I'm sorry," she sighed watching him.  
"There's nothing you should be sorry for."  
Eponine sighed again. Twelve years old boy should be playing with his friends, not sitting in hospital near his dying sister. How she wished a better live for him. And for Azelma too.  
Combeffere opened the door and walked in, followed by Azelma.  
"We're sorry," Azelma said. Eponine just nodded. She knew that they won't tell her anything. Not now.  
"Anything interesting happened?" Eponine asked, breaking the tension between them. Azelma shot a quick glare after Combeffere.  
"Well, Marius engaged Cosette after all," Combeffere said, returning look back to Azelma.  
"Stop it," Eponine said.  
"Eponine, don't bring yourself in," Azelma answered still looking into Combeffere's eyes.  
"I won't be watching you two killing yourself with looks. What happened?"  
"Eponine, don't. This thing is only between us," Azelma answered. She didn't move her deadly look and Combeffere did not either.  
"If you need to solve something than go and solve it. You are my sister Azelma! And you Combeffere, you are my friend! I can't watch the tension between you. Don't kill each other just because he was trying to say something to me. I have no right to tell you what to do, but for the sake of us all solve it!"Eponine breathed.  
"Eponine don't!" Azelma's voice raised and her head turned to her sister sharply. Her breathing became heavier.  
"I just wanted to help. It's killing me, when I see you two fighting for some stupid sentence," Eponine said, trying to explain the things to Azelma. Azelma's head lowered.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered.  
"It's alright. Just solve the problem between you," Eponine said to her sister softly, placing her hand on her shoulder. Azelma looked up and smiled.  
"Thanks."

"We should go now. We must have wearied you," Combeffere stood up, watching Eponine carefully. "Don't worry. I'm tired all the time," Eponine said.  
"Okay. See you later," he said and he waited for her siblings.  
"Bye 'Ponine," Gavroche said.  
"Bye!" Azelma smiled at her.  
"Come soon," Eponine said watching them leaving.

"Hi there solitude," she whispered and lied on the bed again.  
And her world returned.  
World of waiting and dreaming.

* * *

**A/N**

Reviews are welcome.  
I decided to use third person's POV here , because it just sounded terribly in first's. Maybe someone else would make it sound better but I'm not someone else, so I switched it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**  
Next Chapter!  
Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot for me.  
Also thanks for following and favoring. Makes me feel better.  
School is taking my time, so updates are going to be irregularly.  
Sorry for my English again.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

Looking on ceiling once again. A scrap of scrunched paper in my hands. This scrap of paper is everything that remained of him. A palpable memory of his invisible presence. A Goodbye letter. From him to me.

Looking in once again. His perfect handwriting saying those painful words again and again. You know what's the best thing on letters? They don't fade like memories. Maybe the ink does, but the words still can be read. And they'll stay like this till the scrap will last. But still, something between letters and memories is same.  
They won't last forever.

So I'm reading this scrap a thousand time, knowing him by heart already. Why? I don't even know. Someone said, forget him. I tried, I failed. So what's the point in forgetting anymore? I won't forget. So I'm reading it. Pain in my heart remains. It's not like that letter would do anything.

My fingers touched the date on the corner of the scrap. 17th September 2012. It's year today. This day is the day he left. This day is the day, when my heart shattered. This day is the day I died.

My daily routine was broken by young voice:  
"Miss Thenárdier, there's a lecture in ten minutes if you would like to come." Sister's face appeared in doorway only to disappear again.  
I sighed.  
Ripped from thoughts again. Maybe I should be happy about it. Maybe not.  
I don't know why, but the hospital is inviting some teachers or usual people who are talking to us, sick. There were lots of topics in past. Biology, Sociology, History... Everyone can find something interesting in those lectures.  
I wasn't present more than two or three times. Not that I wouldn't like to learn something new. It's that I don't find a use in it anymore. I'm dying. Why should I learn something new when I know I'm going to die and this new things would be forgotten?

I placed that scrap of paper carefully in the pocket of my coat, which hung on the wall near hospital bed.

My mind is returning to that dream again. Dream or nightmare? I don't know. There's so much things I don't know.  
His face is haunting me again and again.  
I'm closing my eyes, putting my hands to my ears not to hear his voice again. But I did. Nothing seemed to stop those feelings, sounds, thoughts. Nothing seemed to rip me out from it.  
Laughing echoing my mind. His eyes burning in passion. And darkness. Only darkness is lasting.  
I opened my eyes quickly, taking long deep breaths. Drops of sweat were covering my face already. When is it going to end? I don't want to see it again. I don't want to see only darkness in the end.  
It seems I don't have a choice. It seems I have to make it. I have to move over it like I did several times in past. Move over it.

I sighed again sitting on bed, looking in front of me. My feet touched the cold ground, trying to find white hospital slippers. I stood up slowly, walking to washbasin, taking the water in my hands. Water touched my skin, washing drops of sweat away.  
One look into mirror was enough for me turn away. I know that I'm looking like skeleton now. Pale, weak, dark circles around eyes, bruised. But that's not the thing which bothers me.  
It's something in my eyes, making me turn around every time I see them. They are becoming dull. I don't know how to describe it in other way. They're looking like there's a fog in them, a glass barier, which won't let emotions released. Where is the spark which was here, in my eyes a months ago? Where's the color? Am I human anymore?

I sat on my bed again, hands covering my tired face. I had the urge to break something, to release my anger. But what would it be good for? Nothing. Only more anger would be born inside my already shattered heart.  
I need to clean my head. I need a walk.

So I stood up, looking at door, still deciding if I should go or not. My head lowered. Even these easy things seems like a hardest task now. Should I go? Should I not?

What would I lose? Maybe a few memories or thoughts or few minutes of sleeping.  
My legs moved towards the door.

I was walking slowly, my head lowered. Sisters didn't give a second glance, doctors in their usual rush.  
"Are you going to lecture, Miss Thenárdier? It has started already," one of doctors told to me, leaving me in another second.  
Lecture?

I stopped suddenly, ignoring few stares I received. Maybe I should go. Again, what would I lose? I'll lose everything when death will come. Maybe it can be useful for this few months which reminded me.

So my steps were following the route to the room, where the lectures usually were taking place. Door was open, voices coming from the room.  
I looked into room. Some familiar faces were here, but not much. I saw another familiar face sitting on chair in front of the people.  
Marius.  
What is he doing here?  
But on the other hand, Marius was student and maybe his teacher told him to do this. He caught my look. His eyes widened for a second then a small smile appeared on his lips.  
I was still looking at him. He was nervous. I could see his fingers shaking little. Was it because of this? Or was he hiding something? I took one step forward to have a better look. Marius' strange behavior was explained in another second, when strong voice echoed the room.

My heart cracked. I won't lie. It made a 'pop' and it shattered on even smaller pieces than it was shattered before.  
I was looking.. no,not looking. Staring. I was staring at his face. At his body. My hand found a wall as support. My body started shaking.  
I didn't understand a word he said but his voice rang through my head, making my breathing heavier.  
Why now?  
His eyes were moving from one person to another. His lips were moving, talking passionately.  
And then the moment came.  
His eyes met mine. His lips froze. My shaking hand left the place on wall. His blue eyes were trying to find soemthing desperately. But I didn't give them a chance to.  
I turned around sharply, walking away as fast as I could. Walking away from past. Walking away from memories. Walking away from him. Walking away from Enjolras.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

I was waiting for my professor to end his speech. Marius, sitting near me became more nervous second by second. Maybe I shouldn't take him with me. Year was a long time and it must be shock for him to see me again.  
One year pass. It was one year ago, when I left everything to serve his country. A small smile appeared on my lips. Maybe it was painful at first but it brings so much of happiness now, when I and his professor succeed in something.  
My eyes were looking at these poor people in front of me. Sick human beings, without a hope. White hospital shirts everywhere. There weren't much people here though. Maybe fifteen or so.  
Voice of my professor faded. I looked at him and stood up.  
"Well, it's a hard time for our country. How much of people don't have a proper treatment? How much of them don't get enough money for their families? How much of them are paying for the things they don't agree with?" I started my speech, slowly observing the faces of the people in front of me.  
Old man and another one, some old women and teenagers. Some strange movement in the corner of my eyes caught my attention. My lips were moving along with my eyes.  
I found myself looking into deep brown eyes. Brown eyes, which I recognize from somewhere.  
Those eyes turned away immediately.  
My lips froze.  
No, it can't be. Auburn hair flew through the air and then the person disappeared.  
It can't be her. It must be my imagination.  
Only now I remember on her. On my angel. On my Eponine. Oh, God.  
"Excuse me, professor, I have to go," I said to older man in such strange tone that I didn't even recognize my own voice. I ignored professor's strange look. I run out of the room only to catch her figure going round the corner. I started run to her, but strong hand grabbed my wrist.

"Don't," Marius was looking exactly to my eyes.  
"I have to see her! What's wrong with her? Is she sick?" I asked, not controlling myself again. Why is she here? Why did she run?  
"Enjolras stop. You have no right to talk to her after... after you left her," Marius told me, a spark of anger in his eyes.  
"Please Marius, you're my friend! I have to see her."  
"I said stop. You will hurt her only more when you'll talk to her. You see? This is exactly why I didn't want you here. Can you imagine the shock, when she saw you after year?" Marius said, his hand still holding mine.  
"Take me to her," I whispered.  
"No. You can't just walk to her after what you've done." Thoughts were running through my head. Did I really hurt her that much? Did I really cross the limits?  
"Take me to her...or I'll ask the doctor," my voice said before I could stop it. Marius was still looking at me. Anger from his eyes disappeared.  
"Enjolras look, I know you want to see her. I know you want to talk to her. But it will bring only more pain. Please, try to feel the way she feels. Please, Enjolras, I've always wanted the best for you, but you threw your chance away. Don't make it harder for you. For her especially," his voice was a mixture of worry and accusation.  
"I want to see her," I said again. His head lowered and his hand finally left mine.  
"Come, but you're responsible for consequences. And I'm going with you," Marius said.  
I followed him.  
I followed him to her room. How does she looks like? Is she the old Eponine? But why is she here? Why?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N  
**  
So, another chapter here. I would like to thank to all readers, reviewers, followers and to those who favored this.  
Feel free to give me your opinion on story.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Covering in the corner. Tears falling down my cheeks. My body trembling uncontrollably. Sobs escaping my lips are echoing through the empty room.

Why? Why did he came? Why now?

Do I want him here anymore? Do I still dream about him? Do I still yearn for his presence?

My eyes closed.

Why am I so torn? Why must my heart follow him everywhere?  
His face appeared. Face fading in darkness.

"Why are you haunting me everywhere? What do you want from me? What have I ever done to you?" silent whisper escaped my lips.

Tear fell down on the cold ground. And another one.  
Waiting was painful. Trying to forget was painful. But not knowing which to do was and is the worst kind of suffering I've ever known. I know I can't forget him, nor the things he had done! I know that I was waiting a long time, so why I don't want to meet him? Why I don't want to see his eyes? Those sky blue eyes... Forget it Eponine...

"You can't forget!" I whispered, holding remaining tears in my eyes. I took a deep breath...and tears were released. I didn't have the strength to stop them. To face him. To face myself.

You can't blame him... You can't. He didn't do anything wrong. He just left you. Just... left you.  
Decided... to go the other way. You can't blame him for your feelings. You can blame him for your fragile heart you let fall, Eponine. You can't blame him...

I'm giving you a question: What do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it or destroy it either? What do you do?

My hands were clenching the white hospital shirt, my knuckles becoming white.

Take one step in time... Move over... Let your dream become true...

But do I want that dream to became truth anymore? He's part of my dream but am I the part of his dream too?

I curled up in the corner, hospital shirt wet of my tears. Who would care about that?  
Who would care anymore?

* * *

**Enjolras' POV  
**  
"Be careful with her," Marius said to me before the door.

"Don't you dare hurt her again. I'm your friend Enjolras, but Eponine is like sister to me. Please, be careful," he continued. I nodded, expecting him to open the door.

"Let me go first," Marius said and he opened the door. I walked in behind him, looking after her.

"Eponine?" Marius asked with soft voice. I was looking around, recognizing her coat hanging on the wall.

"Go away Marius," a silent whisper appeared from nowhere. The sound of her voice made my heart almost jump from my chest.  
She was the only one who ever understand me the way I am. The only one who saw a man behind the marble.  
What have I done? What has she done to deserve this from me?

I turned around, only to see her covering in corner.

"Eponine!" I shouted and I reached for her. Her eyes shot open suddenly. I backed, taking a step back.

What? This is... this is Eponine? No, it can't be... She's so pale. She looks so tired. Why is she bruised so much? Did her father beat her again?  
Marius came to her side and gently lifted her up from the cold ground. I remembered the days, when I was the one doing this. The days a long time ago.  
Her face buried in Marius' shirt.

"Why did you brought him here?" her weak voice appeared in the silence. Her voice was so desperate and tired... I wanted to comfort her. To heal her bruises... Yet, there was an invisible barrier between us.

The barrier I built up.

"I'm sorry Eponine," Marius said, placing her on bed carefully. Tears were running down her face, making me feel worse and worse.

"Eponine, please," I started. She sat down slowly, looking at me. She was so scared. But why?

"What Enjolras," she asked, her voice trembling.

"I...I'm sorry," I said silently. That was it. The sentence after one year. Saying I'm sorry. How stupid it sounds.

Sorry...

Sorry is almost invisible in the amount of tears running down her face.  
Painful smile appeared on her lips.

"Me too,"she said, making me surprised. She has no reason to be sorry for whatever. She did no wrong!

"What?"

"I'm sorry for believing in you. Maybe it was a mistake," she said in that broken, desperate voice. My eyes widened for sure. She... she believed me... And I failed. Why did I go on that stupid journey? Why did I leave her? Why?

"Eponine..."

"Can't you let me go? Can't you forget me?" she cut me off. Only now I see her pain. Her despair.  
I didn't have the courage to look into her eyes. I wouldn't take that amount of pain.

"Eponine please, I'm sorry, I was... selfish," I said, my eyes still looking at her face, but not eyes.

"Leaving without an explanation. With only a letter written. Without even a goodbye?" she asked. My head lowered down.

"I had to go. Country needed me," I whispered. Don't use that stupid excuse! Your country didn't need you! She needed you!  
I walked closer.

"What happened to you?" I asked her gently. I couldn't help but feel the distance between us growing.  
Her eyes closed, as she was shaking her head.

"Did he... did he beat you again?"

"No," she whispered.

"So someone from his gang?"

"Enjolras, please..." her weak voice appeared again.

"Eponine this is serious. What happened?" I asked her without even noticing my voice raising. She knows how I hate when she's being hurt. She knows that I want to help her only.

"I can't..."

"What the fuck happened?!"

I was surprised by my own words. I didn't swear for a long time. And that tone of my voice...angry and sharp... I met Marius' disproving gaze.

"She..." Marius started, but she stopped him by grabbing his hand.  
My breathing was faster than usual. Why did my anger controlled me again? I have no right to talk to her like this. Maybe Marius was right. I lost the right to talk to her a year ago.

"Don't Marius," she whispered. Her friend nodded, expecting what is going to happen. She stood up slowly, walking to me.

"Here," she said and she handed me a scrunched paper.

I took it from her carefully, reading the sentences slowly.  
Paper slowly fell down from my fingers. My eyes found hers. The pain was visible, but I didn't care. All I cared about were those words: Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

I turned around.  
I run away.  
I left her again.

* * *

**Marius' POV  
**  
I was watching, as he turned around, walking away. Without even a word.  
I looked at Eponine's fragile frame. She was still looking at the place he stood a second ago. Her body was trembling violently. I quickly jumped to her side, to support her.  
It must have been too much even for her to handle. She fell to my arms, burying her pale face into my shirt again.

"He...left," she whispered.

I lifted her up, placing her to bed again, covering her with sheets. It wasn't good idea to allow him to come here. I should had know it. I should stop it till there was time. But maybe... maybe the things will go better after this. Maybe...

"I'm sorry Eponine," I whispered. She gave me a little smile. Smile I didn't deserve.

"There's no reason to."

My head lowered. There is a reason. And always will be.

"I should have been more careful. I should keep him away from you," I said to her, holding her hand lightly.

"I wished him to come... I just don't know if it's a right thing now," she whispered squeezing my hand.

"Give him another chance," I said to her.

She loves him... after all he had done to her. I didn't see a stronger love than hers. He left her here, for death... Of course he didn't know about it, but this was a cruel reality. And she loves him still... How can be the love so strong? How can she hold a hope inside her for such a long time?  
She sighed.

"I would give him a thousand chances if he would want them. But I don't know if he want them... want me anymore," her tired voice spoke. No, don't lose hope Eponine... Not now.

"I'm sure he does," I smiled at her lightly. "It'll be tough fight, but I'm sure you'll make it."  
She sighed, looking down.

"What is it?" I asked her gently. From what I could tell, she was still in shock, her body trembling.  
She sighed again.

"I don't know. I'm dying. This live's been hard... What's the point in fighting it anymore?" she said, her eyes closing.  
What? Now I can see... She isn't tired only physically...but mentally too...  
How blind I was to not see it.  
But she can't give up now. She can't lose her hope, when her happiness is so close... She can't stop dreaming, when her dream is a few inches from her.

"Eponine, please look at me," I started. Her eyes hesitantly lifted up to mine.

"I'm sure he loves you still..."I said.

"Then why he left? Why did he looked at me, turned around from me and left me?" her voice said. What was scary was the tone of her voice. Like she didn't feel anything anymore. Like her heart became a marble.  
Her perspective was different. Different but true... Why did he left her for a second time?

"Don't say such things 'Ponine."

"Try to understand me. I'm dying. I can die today. I can die tomorrow. What's the point in fighting when I'll lose him again? And even if he loves me still, he should stop. Or I'll hurt him even more, than I have already," her voice was still without emotions. Her eyes were watching the wall in front of her.

How can be someone so desperate? How can someone in such a state as this be deceived to sacrifice her happiness for his own?  
I placed my hand on her shoulder. Her head turned to me, smile appearing on her lips.

"Eponine, you can make it! I know you. You're strong and you can make it," I said to her, my hand wasn't leaving her shoulder. This was the only thing I knew was right.

"Don't. I'm not strong. Don't help me with this Marius. I've hurt you enough. I've just put another burden on your shoulders," she said shaking her head.  
She sat up slowly.

"It's not like this. You've done so much for me... for Cosette too. You deserve a better life. You deserve happiness," I said, trying to explain her, that she's not alone. That we're here for her.

"There's no happiness for a sinner such as I," her voice cracked. Tears, which she was holding were running down her pale cheeks.

That look was horrible. And I knew I will remember it for the rest of my live.  
A poor human wreck, with only a scrap of hope left. And the larger scrap of despair was ripping the hope with its claws now. Killing the last sparks of light which reminded after the hundred of darkest storms. Taking dreams, taking hopes, taking everything worth the price, leaving only gnawing pain, darkness and emptiness.  
How can she survive this?

"Don't think about it anymore. Promise me you won't!" I begged her, looking straight into her eyes.

"I can't promise you a promise, which would be broken in another second. I'm sorry," she cried, looking in front of herself.

"No, I'm sorry. I should have been here for you," I said, realizing my mistake.  
I hugged her small frame carefully. If I would be here for her, her mind wouldn't be so broken. Her heart so tortured. Maybe when she would have a person to talk to, she would still has a hope in her heart.

"You had your problems," she cried silently, wiping the tears away.

"You should have been my first priority," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Cosette should be your first priority now. You're going to be married. Your family should be on the first place."

We were silent.  
She coughed weakly, laying down again. Tears were forming in my eyes, when I saw her in this state. She was my best friend after all.  
Her hand slowly moved away from mine.

"Rest," I whispered, looking at her.

Her name is Eponine. Her life is dark and cold.

And she's giving up slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N  
**Next chapter!  
Thanks to all readers, reviewers, followers and to those who favored this story.  
I'm sorry for my English again. Thanks for warning on my mistakes :) I'll try to write as best as I can.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras'POV**

How can this be possible?

How can it be?

She shouldn't be here. She doesn't deserve it.

I fell on chair somewhere in hospital. I dind't even know where I am. I didn't care.

God, why?

Why her? She was the one on who depends the lives of others. She was the one who was the support for everyone else.  
And I left her.

I felt a hand on my shoulders. My eyes slowly lifted up and met with the other's. It was some older doctor, with light smile on his face, yet his eyes were somehow filled with worry.  
I remember his face from somewhere. I can§t sort it now.

"Bad news?" he asked.

I nodded, lowering my head again.

"How much time remains her?" I asked him. I didn't know if he knows Eponine or not. Words were leaving my lips without control.  
Doctor sighed, sitting next to me.

"Well, I can't say it precisely, but only a few months. I'm sorry," he said.

From what I could say he knew I was talking about Eponine.

"Do you know her?"

Doctor's head lowered slightly, his eyes closing.

"Eponine is a strong young woman. All I know about her comes from my daughter and from my personal meetings with her. She's strong, but I can't say how much she will last like this. People here are giving up quickly. I pray for her every night. She's a special one you know?" Doctor's words were echoing through my head, stabbing me into my heart deeply.

She was the one who needed me not this already damned country! How could I be so blind?  
Why did I leave?

"I was so stupid..." I muttered.

Doctor stood up slowly, turning to me.

"If you would need something contact me. My name's Valjean," he said and then her turned and walked away. So Cosette's father. I know I knew him from somewhere...

I buried my face into my hands.

She's dying.  
Her skin so pale...  
Her body so fragile...  
Her eyes... I don't know how to describe them. Something from them disappeared and was replaced by something new. New and worse.

"Enjolras!" a voice rang through the corridors. Sister's around turned to running shadow. Marius.

"What the hell did you do again Enjolras?!" his sharp voice was getting into my ears. I wanted to stood up and leave. I didn't want to listen to his words anymore.

"And what would you do in my place?" I answered as sharply as he.

His eyes filled with anger once again.

"Leaving her once... okay, you can be forgiven. But leaving her second time in this state! Enjolras are you normal?" he asked.  
Wait leaving her second time? What the hell is he talking about...

Oh...

Oh, no...

Am I really that blind? How could I do this to her again? Leaving her after forcing her to meet me...

"I...I'm sorry," I whispered.

Marius shook his head.

"I believe you can fix it. Enjolras she still loves you! Don't make her suffer anymore. If you don't want to be with her then go and tell her. I assure you, it'll hurt her less than more waiting. But I believe... that you love her too. So become the Enjolras I used to know, go and talk to her!" he said, more worry in his voice this time.

"I'll try."

"I gave her a hope. Maybe a false one but still, it's hope. And I hope you won't take it away from her. I believe you two can get through this," Marius said and he extended his hand to mine.  
I slowly took it, looking into his eyes.

Am I really good only for destroying and hurting?

How can she love me after all? How is it even possible to love someone like me?

I stood up slowly, walking to her room, leaving Marius behind me.

She deserves someone better. Someone who can be support for her. What did I do for her?

My hand slowly pushed the door of her room.

She was there,on the hospital bed, her eyes closed. Her chest falling and rising slowly. She seems so peacefully in her sleep.

I slowly closed the door and walked to her side.

I sighed when I knocked over the chair. Who else than me? When, when not now, while she's sleeping? Only I have this sort of luck...

Her eyelids trembled a little, her lips murmuring some soft words.

I froze, watching her carefully. Maybe I'm lucky for this time.

No, I'm not.

Her eyes slowly opened, looking around, looking at me. Small smile appeared on her lips.

"You've returned," she whispered, lifting herself up on her elbows.

"Look Eponine, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't left you. And I shouldn't left you now certainly. I'm begging you for forgiveness," I said, my voice totally desperate. As I am now. Desperate.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Forgiveness. I've already forgive you Enjolras, can't you see it?

"Enjolras, you did no wrong. I forgave you," words escaped my lips hesitantly. Because I was the one who did wrong. I'm the sinner. Not you.

There was an invisible barrier between us. It was forcing me to stay away. To keep the defenses up.

"What are you talking about Eponine? I left you here, dying. I left you without a second glance... And you're saying that I didn't do anything?"

I laughed to myself. He'll never understand.

"You left but you have a right to. I was the one who couldn't get past it. I was the one who kept on hurting myself with dreaming my unreachable dreams. I was the one hurting myself. Not you," I said, my head lowered.

"Oh, 'Ponine," he whispered and all the barriers were gone by a second.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

I embraced her, holding her trembling body in my arms. I felt her hot tears running down her face, soaking my shirt. I didn't care. She was the priority. And always should have been.

"Forget me Enjolras. Forget me and leave me," she cried desperately. My eyes widened at her words.  
I slowly broke the embrace, looking exactly in her eyes.

"W-what do you mean? Eponine, you can't..." I whispered.

Her eyes moved away.

"Forget me. There's no other way for me than death. Go. Go before I'll hurt you even more," tears were running down her tired face.

When I heard those words I immediately found out, that things are worse. How can she be in such a state that she's taking all the guilty?

My arms embraced her fragile frame once again. She was shaking her head, her fingers wrapping around my shirt weakly.

"Don't think on past anymore. Forget it. I'm here," I whispered to her, stroking her hair.

"I can't... I can't forget," she sobbed. There were so much of pains in her weak voice. Pain, fear, worry.

"Shhh. Then don't. But don't think about it," I said, sitting to her on bed. Coolness of her skin was absorbed by my own warmth. Shadow and Statue. Shade and Marble. Untouchable and Hard.

So broken.

I won't see someone so broken as she is in my life. I'm sure about it.  
She was like an orchard. Orchard of Mines. One wrong step and her soul would be destroyed. One wrong touch and she'll be lost forever.  
So fragile.  
Walking through her pain to find some peace.

"Go Enjolras. Go till it's time."

"I won't let you go. Not now. Not again."

Her fingers wrapped around my shirt more tightly. Like she didn't want me to go, yet was telling the opposite.  
What happened to you, dear Eponine? What horrors are waiting for you?

"Go. Find yourself a beautiful wife and have children. Forget completely on this human wreckage in front of you," she sobbed, her face buried in my shirt.

My hand slowly placed on her back, silencing her.

Her state was more than worse. Doctor was right. She's strong, but she won't take this forever.

"Don't you talk about yourself like this. You're beautiful," I whispered.

"Don't you try this on me. Don't say the things you don't mean. How can I be beautiful? Look at me. I'm looking like walking corpse. Look inside me. What do you see?" she sobbed.

It was a rhetorical question but still, I answered: "What I see is a beautiful diamond which is trapped in unending night of despair. Trapped in flames of her own past. Take my hand Eponine. We'll make it. Together, " I said, offering her my hand.

She looked to my eyes, tears falling down. She shook her head again.

"I can't do something that will get you killed. I want you to have a chance in life. Don't throw it away just because of the girl behind this skeleton who's dying."

How desperate and deceived you are Eponine... How can you resist the urge to tell me everything which pains you? How can you think on others when you're dying? How can you sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of this human who has hurt you so much? How can you blame yourself for the sins which doesn't belong to you? How can you live the life which is remaining you in such a state like this?

"I love you Enjolras. I can't watch you suffer because of me," she said, breaking the embrace and pulling away from me. Her face buried into her hands, her body shaking violently.

My hand extended to her shoulder, but she shook her head immediately.

"Don't touch me," she whispered.

I wanted so much to hold her, to comfort her. To throw her fears away.

"Eponine, I..."

"What are you trying to denote Enjolras? What are you going to do? Why can't you just let me go?" Her voice. The tone of her voice. I will remember it forever.

Torn.

One word that's describing it. Just torn.

"Eponine..."

"Don't you try anything Enjolras. It's too late. I'm gonna die. Move over me. Forget me. Forgive me," her voice lowered down in exhaustion.

Her tired eyes so filled up with emotions were closing and opening irregularly.

"Go," she whispered.

My fingers tried to touch her cheek. She jerked away immediately, fear in her eyes.

"I won't hurt you Eponine," I said to her gently. I stood up from her bed and looked at her.

"I know. But I will hurt you," she whispered.

"Don't. Don't think about it again."

"Rest now Eponine. But know, that I won't leave you again. I'll stand by your side forever," my voice echoed through the hospital room. I leaned over, kissing her lightly on cheek.

Her face twisted in complete desperation. She exhaled tiredly shaking her head.

I closed the door leaving her alone. Again.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Why is he so stubborn? Why isn't he listening?

_"I'll destroy you. I'm darkness. You can't live by my side. "  
"That is true, but I can try it," he said._  
_I was looking exactly at him. I was looking as darkness absorbed him slowly. I was looking as the last spark of his presence disappeared. I was looking at the light brand on my arm filling up with darkness._  
_"No!"  
But it was too late._

Tears formed in my eyes again.

I'll kill him. My death will kill him. I'll destroy him. He can't see me anymore.

I can't hear his voice anymore.  
I can't allow him to get killed only because of me.

But I need him. I need him because I love him. But I can't. This must stop. He can't hurt himself even more!

You know what? I found out something just before a second.

Love is like a war. It's hard to begin but very hard to stop.

How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get into your heart?

I laughed to myself. I already know that I won't forget. Memories are worth the pain sometimes. But it's me they're hurting, not him.

And I can't allow him to get hurt.

I can't allow him to fight for something that is already lost.

I cannot allow him to fight for my already lost soul.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N  
**So, new chapter here.  
Thanks for reviewing, following, favoring and for reading.  
Sorry for my English again.  
Enjoy!  
Reviews are welcome.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Third peron's POV**

Enjolras closed the door of the room slowly. His eyes closed as he was slowly shooking his head.

He was deceived not to lose her again. He didn't care about the pain it'll bring. He didn't care about hurting himself with it.

He was slowly walking to the exit, his mind deeply in thoughts.

Suddenly, he found himself pushed against the wall. His vision became blur and he couldn't recognize the person in front of him, who was holding his throat tightly.

"What the hell are YOU doing here?!" a sharp voice snapped at him. From what he could tell, it was man's voice. His vision sharpened and he immediately recognized Grantaire. Well, Enjolras didn't plan to meet him personaly. Not so fast.

"Grantaire... leave me," he gasped for his breath, his eyes widening. Behind Grantaire were Combeffere, Courfeyrac, Azelma and little Gavroche. Well, he has to explain them a lot of things.

"What the hell Enjolras? What do you think about yourself to march here after a year! How do you even dare?!" Grantaire's sharp voice rang through the empty corridor. Enjolras tried to push Grantaire's hands away, but he wasn't successfull.

"Grantaire, let him be. He can't breath," Combeffere said, taking one of Grantaire's hand down. Grantaire's breathing fastened, but his other hand left Enjolras' throat.

"You have a lot of things to explain," Grantaire said in sharp voice. His eyes were sending angry bolts after Enjolras.

"What did you think Enjolras? One year without even a word about you. Without even texting us. And now, you are here, ruining everything that remainded!" Courfeyrac was angry as much as Grantaire.

"I'm sorry..." Enjolras started but was cut off by Grantaire.

"Sorry won't bring the past year back!"

"Calm down okay? We can have this conversation without any fighting right?" Combeffere stepped in. Azelma with Gavroche were silently watching, without saying anything.

"Combeffere, leave your wise sentences for next time. Imagine her! Imagine her seeing him after year! Imagine her reactions!" Grantaire said sharply. Enjolras lowered his head. He knew about her being in shock because of him.

"Grantaire I know. But please, let's try to solve this without any fights okay? For her sake," Combeffere finished his sentences with placing his hand on Grantaire's shoulder, holding him from jumping on Enjolras.

"Where were you all the time? Not picking phone. Not even writing a text to us!" Courfeyrac started. Enjolras' head lowered even more than before.

"I know I was stupid. I've heard about this already. I'm sorry. I really am," words which escaped Enjolras lips sounded so stupid to him. Poor excuses. It seemed to him that he know only how to use them.

"You were. But why didn't you tell me you're going here? And how do you know about Eponine?" Combeffere asked, finally letting Grantaire.

"Wait, you knew that he's here all the time and you didn't tell us?" Courfeyrac asked his eyes wide.

"He told us not to tell anyone. We're sorry about it," Azelma stepped in before Courfeyrac began arguing with Combeffere.

"So you too?" Courfeyrac asked, looking at her.

"It's not their fault," Enjolras said. Every single look turned to him. He knew they're still mad at him. He also knew they have the right to be so. He knew he's lost their trust. He lost Eponine too.

"To answer your question Combeffere, I should had a lecture here. Then I spotted her. And I had to talk with her,"Enjolras continued.

"How did she take it?" Grantaire asked his voice filled with worry now.

Enjolras shook his head lightly. Truth be told, he didn't know. He didn't have a thought about how she felt. He was looking at her, not inside.

"I don't know," a silent whisper escaped his lips.

He gasped, finding himself against the wall again. Grantaire was watching him carefully.

"If you have hurt her, I swear, it won't end well," he said in silent rough tone. This wasn't the Grantaire Enjolras used to know. A drunkard with his bottles everywhere. Here he was completely sober, serious and angry.  
Combeffere has changed too. He was more an adult now.  
Courf didn't tell much but he became more serious too.  
All of them looked more like adults now.  
It was year after all.

"Grantaire, leave him, please," a weak voice from behind them called.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

My eyelids were heavier and heavier with every passing second. He shouldn't came. Everything was more difficult now.

I will die.

There's no other way for me.

Why didn't he seem to understand those easy words: Let me go. Leave me. Don't hurt yourself.

Blackness around me became more visible. I was falling asleep.

A loud sharp shout ripped me from it. I opened my eyes sleepily.

What was it again? Some pacient who found out about being sick? Some doctor having an argument with someone? Ot just soemone who had lost his only hope?

These screams I hear everyday. And I know they won't stop. That they'll be here the next day too.

But this doesn't seem like one shout. Someone's having an argument.

I slowly sat up on bed, my hands burying inside my hair.

With another shout I recognized the voice. Or at least It thought I reconize it. Grantaire.

My feet touched the ground. I stood up carefully. I really need some sleep now. I've been up for a longer time than usual.

My hand touched the handle.

I stopped myself suddenly. Do I really want to meet them like this? Do I really want to confront them?

It clicked in my head already, that Enjolras is still here. Grantaire won't be shouting on some random stranger.  
My fingers were touching the handle only to move away again.

Another shout came. Maybe it was this, maybe not, but I opened the door finally, walking to corridor.

They were here. Grantaire was pushing Enjolras up against the wall, others watching them.  
They didn't seem to notice me.

"Grantaire, leave him please," I said, my weak voice making everyone silent.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Everyone turned to see her, paler than ever, circles around her eyes bigger.

"'Ponine!" Gavroche called and he ran to her, hugging her carefully.

Small smile appeared on my lips when I saw those two siblings together. She knelt on her knees, to bring herself to the same height as her brother was. She hugged him back, closing her eyes.

Azelma came to them, hugging them too.

A single tear fell down from my eyes.

These moments are so beautiful and precious. This kind of moments happen only a few times in lifetime. And they're too short.

All of us watched the siblings trio in tough embrace. Tears were flowing down their faces. Eponine's eyes were shut, her lips trembling. Her siblings were crying too, Azelma stroking her sister's back, Gavroche's face buried in Eponine's hospital shirt.

So moving picture. Moving and sad.

Knowing that Eponine's dying, how much pain was it for her siblings to handle? How much pain she has to handle, when she sees them with the knowing of her future?

"God, stop this," Grantaire whispered wiping away the tears.

I exhaled slowly. This was something that makes the toughest ones cry.

Siblings broke their embrace, helping Eponine to stood up.

"Don't kill yourself please," Eponine whispered when she came to us.

"Eponine did he hurt you? Because if he did..." Grantaire started.

Eponine shook her head lightly.

"No Grant, don't worry. He didn't do anything wrong," she said, looking exactly into my eyes. She's still in that horrible state. Taking guilty for others. How can I help her? Do I even have a right to?

"You should rest," I said, ignoring the stares I got.

"How can I rest when I know you're killing each other? Talk about it okay? You're my friends. So stop acting like children and talk about it okay Grant?" she asked.

Grantaire nodded.

"Courf?"

"I'll try," Courfeyrac sighed.

"Combeffere?"

"It's alright with me," Combeffere said.

"Enjolras?"

Her eyes found mine. I was silent, just nodding.

"Okay," a whisper escaped her lips.

"You should go rest probably. We'll figure the things till you are sleeping," Combeffere said taking her arm gently, leading her to the hospital room.

"We should sit. This would be a long conversation," Azelma sighed, heading to chairs.

I slowly prepared myself.

This will be hard.

Will they ever forgive me? Will our friendship last?

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"Are you really feeling well?" Combeffere asked me. How many times will I have to repeat the same lie again and again?

"Yeah. Just tired."

How I hate those lies. But if you would tell the truth they'll just worry more about you. They've their own problems. Not to count their daily visits here.

"I mean, I can see you're still in shock," he tried to get some response from me again. Combeffere was a good friend. He's just worrying too much sometimes.

"Don't worry. I'll move over it. I can't be with him anymore if you understand me... I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want to bring more pain to him," all my worries were escaping my lips suddenly.

I fell silent.

He was shocked by my words. I should held my tongue. Now he knows how I feel.

His hand pushed the door of the room, leading me in.

"Eponine, we're here for you. If you need to talk about something we're always here for you," he said to me seriously. The sentence I've heard a hundred times. The sentence which won't help me.

"Alright," I said lying again. I won't bother them with my mind state while they're still studying. While they're having their own problems.

"Seriously Eponine."

I just nodded sitting on hospital bed again, sighing.

"Solve it between you. I hope you won't kill him. And did you solve your problems with 'Zelma by the way?" I asked.

His ears turned red immediately.

"Ehm... Yeah... We've solved it," he answered hesitantly.

Does he really think that just because I don't see them I don't know they're in love? I'm not that blind.

"I don't bite Combeffere. Just don't break her heart," I smiled at him. I cared for my sister and for my friend too. Till he won't do anything stupid, I won't object.

"Well, I should go," he said still blushing.

I nodded, lying on bed. My eyelids closed almost immediately after he left.

How I hate this weakness. Falling asleep in any second without even controlling it.

And so the world around became black again. And the dreams were forming inside me slowly.

Dreams or nightmares?

Only time will reveal it.

Good night Eponine.

Hope, that you'll wake up and find out the past months were just a dream.

Ah, don't be stupid. You've said this to yourself at least hundred times.

This isn't dream.

This is nightmare turned into reality. And you have to continue in it.

Because if you won't, you'll never wake up and this nightmare will be lasting forever.

Alive but trapped.  
Trapped in this nightmare called life.  
Trapped till the death.

Trapped till the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N  
**Another chapter.  
Sorry for the waiting.  
Thank you for reading and reviewing. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think, it can help me make this story better. Thank you again.  
Sorry for my English.  
Enjoy!

_Italics:_ I think, that you already know, what it means... (for those who don't know-dream)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

We were waiting for Combeferre, their looks watching me carefully. I tried to ignore them but I couldn't. Their looks were asking me for explanation. Explanation which now seems like really stupid decision. Even for me.

Leukemia. Acute leukemia. Few months of life lasting. Hopeless months and after them only death is waiting with its arms opened. Terrible.

And I left her. Now it's too late to be sorry. Now she's going to die... but I'll stay with her. Stay with her in life and in death too.

"We can start," Combeferre sat down on chair looking at me. His cheeks were red for some reason. Maybe some kind of coment from Eponine... Maybe just something flying through his mind.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I asked. My voice wasn't strong or filled with passion. It's changed. It was somehow softer without the usual force and sharpness. Strange...

"We can start with reason. What reason did you have?" Grantaire said. He was calm but the spark of anger didn't leave his eyes, which were observing me.  
I sighed.

"I know it sounds stupid now. I know... But it was the best choice for me then. I was contacted by one association. They gave me an offer. To work with them. To learn from them. I don't know how to explain it... Well, I've always yearned for something like that. To help country. To do something good. I said yes immediately. And I left..." my voice cracked as I realized, that I didn't gave a proper explanation to Eponine. When I look back now, it seems that I was out of my mind. How could I? I won't sleep this night. For certain.

"I think I understand. Passion ruled you once again," Combeferre stated, shaking his head.

"Okay, we know your reason. Now, why didn't you leave anything but a letter addressed to Eponine, which she wasn't able to give us and we understood only some sections which she was able to tell us? Why didn't you leave anything else?" Courfeyrac stepped in suddenly.

"It really sounds so bad now. The association... they wanted me to come immediately. And I did as they told. It was mistake. The biggest in my life,"I answered. I didn't have the force to meet their looks. I didn't want to know what is hiding in the deepness of those eyes.

"This still doesn't explain why didn't you pick up the phone?" Courf continued.

"My number changed," I said.

"And you weren't able to call us. Or Eponine at least. What do you think she felt like, when she found out you're gone?" Grantaire told me. My head lowered.

"I... I cannot," a whisper escaped my lips.

"Why?" little Gavroche asked, his young voice quite scared.

"Look, I was in area where I was not allowed to call. We were under the control every second of the day," I was making my poor excuses again. What was my real explanation? I don't have any.  
What I was trying to deny then? Was I trying to forget only to succeed in my work? How selfish of me... What was happening with me then?

"Okay, why did you return then? After one year without even a word?" Grantaire asked him clearly wanting a proper explanation.

"I... The association gave me a professor to help me. He's a good man. He suggested to me to lecture here. The sick ones. Only Azelma, Gavroche and Combeferre were supposed to know. I didn't plan to stay much longer than I needed. But now... I don't know. I'll stay certainly," I said.

"You know you're hurting her again?" Azelma started.

My eyes shot up, meeting with her green eyes. They were speaking the truth. Or something she was certain about. I didn't want it to be truth.

"I know it is painful for her to see me again. I know that maybe it would be better when I wouldn't brought myself here. But I can't leave her now..." I said. Pictures of Eponine were floating through my mind, her voice echoing trough that place.

"We cannot judge you Enjolras. We also have no right to tell you and Eponine what to do. I just want to say that whatever you would do, consider it first. Don't broke her heart again. Try to help. Till she's a chance," Combeferre said, making all heads to turn from me to him. It was good to know, that Combeferre isn't going to judge me. But my mind was missing something. Something didn't click in the right place.

Did he say ...  
Did I overhear...

"Wait! You said there's still chance? She can live?"my voice was trembling lightly.

Combeferre looked at me sighing.

"It costs too much..." Combeferre started.

"Is it there a chance or not?!" I almost shouted. Their looks were watching me carefully. I found myself standing.

"Yes," they whispered.

All of sudden, I turned, I don't even know why. I walked out of the hospital.

I stopped looking in front of me.  
Man and woman were walking around me, their hands holding. They were smiling, laughing. How happy they seemed to me.

A tear escaped my eye.

I remembered on Eponine almost immediately.

Eponine can live. We can live.

I don't care how much it costs. She will live.

But what if she won't? It's not certain that money will help. The proper treatment can help her. But is it enough to save her?

Don't care about that. She deserves it. Even more.  
I promised I won't leave her. And I won't.

* * *

**Gavroche's POV**

We were watching him. He's changed a lot. It wasn't the Enjolras who would never ever give up an argument. Now he was willing to listen. To learn. To become better.

I don't know... Should I hate him? Should I not?

He has hurt Eponine. But he has helped her so much in the past.

"Gavroche, come back to reality," Azelma poked me. A light smile was on her lips. Boys were discussing again.

"I don't know if it is right. He has already done too much pain to her," Courfeyrac said.

"I don't like it either," Grantaire sighed.  
Combeferre shook his head lightly.

"Look, I don't like it too. It will bring another pain to her certainly. But give him another chance."

"Combeferre, the question is- Why should we?" Grantaire asked.

I don't like the direction where this conversation is heading. I understand Grantaire completely even if I'm a twelve years old. I have a brain after all.

"Stop it boys. This won't do any good," I interrupted them.

They were watching me. I was trembling probably but I didn't care.

"Look, he made mistakes. I make them too. But he's changed. And as much as I don't like to say this- Eponine needs him. Yes, it will bring more pain. But it'll bring less pain than breaking up with her again. Just remember on days when they were together. We cannot even stand their sweetness. We couldn't be in the same room or we were dying of their love. Maybe he broke her heart. But he can fix it too. Give him a chance. Give them a chance. If he would lose, than you have my right to kill him."

Everything was silent.

I was wandering if I didn't say anything bad.

But then Grantaire applauded. And everyone joined him.

"Bravo little Gavroche! You said it magnificently! And you're right!" Courf came to me tangling my hair. Maybe it's a right time to cut them. This tangling is getting on my nerves.

"Sometimes the smaller one is the wisest!" Combeferre smiled.

"So I can kill him if he would hurt her again?" Grantaire grinned, a smile appearing on his lips finally.

"I think that you already have the right," Azelma laughed. "I'm going to check on Eponine. Wait here."

And her frame disappeared in corridor.

"Well Gavroche, you have proved yourself a wiser than me. And I call myself a student," Courf laughed.

Maybe this wasn't right choice. Maybe I shouldn't say it. But I listened to 'Ponine. She was the one, who told me to listen to my heart.  
I did. And I hope she told me truth. And that my heart was right. I hope that everything will be just fine.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

_The dark sky above me, millions of stars shining. Beautiful._  
_He was smiling, holding my hand._  
_I smiled too._  
_It was a happy smile. I could feel it._  
_Walking._  
_Laughing._  
_Going into car._  
_His radio was off._  
_I could hear his loud breathing. He was looking at me, his perfect blue eyes observing me._  
_A kiss._  
_Tears flowing down my face. Why?_  
_Crash._  
_A loud crash._  
_Darkness._  
_Pain.._  
_Headache._  
_Metal smell of blood._  
_Deep red._  
_And face._  
_That face._  
_Face I thought I would never see again._  
_That face was smiling._  
_Then laughing._  
_Dragging me away._  
_No!_  
_I can't lose him again!_  
_Stop it!_  
_Make it stop!_  
_Leave me!_  
_Let me go!_

_Give me my freedom finally!_  
_Forget me!_  
_Forgive me!_  
_Just leave!_

* * *

**A/N**  
School is taking a lot of my time. My class had some problems so we had to solve them with our teacher.  
But weekend is coming!  
So next chapter on Saturday probably.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N  
**So, another chapter.  
Thanks for reading and reviewing. It really makes me feel better.  
Sorry for my English.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

My God!

My eyes shot open, hiding from the sharp light immediately . I found myself sitting, breathing heavily, cold sweat on my body.

What was that supposed to mean? This dream... this nightmare... it can't be real. Just my imagination. Just a dream. Just another vision in my fantasy.  
I buried my face into my hands, calming myself down.  
But the images were still flying trough my mind. And I couldn't stop them.  
_A kiss._  
He kissed me. As I said before... my imagination. Life was too hard to make me believe into such a thing like this. This dream is too perfect for me to come true. Too beautiful for reality.  
_Crash._  
_A loud crash._  
Why? Why did we crashed? Those dreams will kill me once. I should stop worrying about those dreams. It is good for nothing. Headaches, worrying, wasted tears...  
But I know I can't. Because they'll come to me whenever they would want to. And they'll send images to my head without a permission. Without a warning.  
_And face._  
_That face._  
_Face I thought I would never see again._

No... no... it can't be. Why does he haunt me everywhere? Why can't I escape him?  
My heart was clenched in endless fear, trembling, shaking, shouting.  
Leave him behind...  
I can't!  
He won't let me. He will be there. Always. Smiling with his devil glare, laughing. He won't let me go!

"Eponine?"

* * *

**Azelma's POV**

Well, I didn't think I have a wise brother. Not that wise. Sure, his grades weren't bad but still... He's twelve! Twelve years old shouldn't think like this and about this.  
Well, it's hard for us. Hard for everyone.  
The door of the hospital room were only few steps before me.  
I sighed.  
Life was hard.

When was the life perfect? Well, maybe when I was young. Maybe when Eponine took us with her. But no. Probably no. Maybe the life was perfect for me, but how did Eponine feel?  
Caring for two siblings not even sixteen, throwing the school away, loosing the chance for better future only because of us.

"Oh, 'Ponine," I whispered, closing my eyes. My heart trembled with the feeling of guilty growing inside me.

I should helped her more. Cared more. Obeyed more. She became a mother to me and to Gavroche. Mother we've lost a long time before.

What happened with our mother?

No one knows for sure. From what I remember she wasn't much better than father. She left when I was barely eight. So now it's almost eight years without her. Long time, I know. She didn't leave anything. Not a scrap of paper with explain.

It was a dark night then.

* * *

_The rain was whipping the streets, darkness slowly falling down on city. A loud scream rang through the house. It was barely a house. More like a ruin. But still better than nothing. At least roof above your scream echoed the empty place. Little Gavroche, only six was covering in corner next to me. His small hands were covering his ears, tears flowing down his eyes._  
_The door opened slowly, letting small amount of light to go in. I was ready for the worst. I slowly exhaled, when I saw it was only her. Eponine walked in, closing the door. Her cheek was swelling, her eyes filled with horror._  
_"She left," a whisper escaped her lips. My eyes widened in horror too._  
_"W-what do you mean?" I asked, but she didn't respond. She just shook her head walking to Gavroche, calming him._  
_"Eponine, what happened?!" I asked more loudly this time. Her eyes immediately shot up, looking at me._  
_"Be quiet! He's still here," she whispered. I nodded fear filling my entire body. If I would get his attraction, we would be dead probably._  
_"And mother left, that's what happened."_  
_As I heard those painful words leaving Eponine's lips, the world around me slowly crashed._  
_"You... you can't know it for sure. She may return," I said, trying to keep the last scrap of hope inside me._  
_"Azelma she won't. I know it's hard. But she won't."_  
_That was it. A conversation of children who shouldn't know something like this._  
_And hell started right after this. There wasn't a mother who would stop our drunk father. There was no mother anymore._

_But that's another part of story._

* * *

I exhaled, opening my eyes. Memories... They can hit you whenever they want...  
My hand found the handle of the door, slowly opening them.

When I saw her sitting there on her bed, trembling, I knew something was wrong.

"Eponine?" I asked her softly.

Her eyes slowly found mine. She was scared about something. Her eyes were telling it.  
I came to her side, embracing her fragile, trembling body.

"You can't sleep?" I asked her. She was cold. Too cold.

She shook her head little.  
I broke the embrace looking at her.

"I'm going for a doctor. He can give you some pills," I said slowly standing up. Her cold fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"Don't Azelma. It won't help me," she sighed, her weak grip leaving me.

"What do you mean?"

Her head lifted up, revealing the dark circles around her eyes.

"It's not sleep I have a problem with. It's nightmare. More nightmares," her weak voice said.

I sat back, touching her cold forehead carefully. Fear still didn't leave her.

"Tell me about it," I said, remembering her own actions. Whenever I had nightmares, she came, comforting me, calming me, listening to my fears.  
She smiled sadly. I know that smile... I already know the answer...

"It's something I shouldn't bother you with. I think that it isn't a good thing to mention now."

"Eponine it'll help you, please, tell me," I tried it again knowing her answer already.

"Don't bother with it Azelma. It won't help me and it certainly won't do any good to you," she answered, her voice trembled lightly.

"Oh, 'Ponine," I sighed, my head lowering.

"Go to boys and have some fun," she said. How is she doing it? How can she think on others when she herself is dying? Have fun... How when you know your sister is dying?

"When you're mentioning boys... They've forgiven Enjolras partly." I said, waiting for her reaction.

"That's... good," she answered slowly. Still torn I see... I sighed.

"Did you forgive him Eponine?"

"Yes... yes I did," she almost whispered. Her hands were trembling from the moment I mentioned him.

"Really?"

She shook her head desperately. She slowly exhaled, letting the silence fall between us.

"Look Azelma, it was hard decision. But I cannot chose other way. Don't ask me why... Nothing ever felt so... right? Or bad? Or mixture of both? I don't know how Azelma... I don't know how to describe it," she said.

What is still holding you Eponine? Why don't you free yourself? Not that I would hate Enjolras. Let's say that he's hurt Eponine more than he should. And it has its consequences in my heart.

The door opened, doctor Valjean's face appearing.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you but I need to have a word with Eponine. In private," he said gently. I sighed, squeezing her hand carefully, not to make her another bruise.

"See you tomorrow then," I said, leaving them.

What is waiting for you Eponine? Who'll be there for me or Gavroche when you'll be gone? Who'll be our protector? Who'll be our mother when we lose another?

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"Good day Eponine," he said to me, slowly closing the door behind Azelma.

"Good day to you as well doctor," I said.

He came to my side, checking me. His eyes were observing me carefully.

"Well, you seem rather scared to me. Care to explain it?" he asked me, light smile on his lips.

"Just a nightmare," I answered. I saw his mouth opening, but I cut him off.

"Don't try it, please. You won't get anything from me. I don't want to bother you with me more than I do right know," I said.

He sighed.

"You aren't any burden for me Eponine. It's my work. I'm sure it'll help. And some sleep too."

"Thank you for bothering Mr. Valjean but I know it won't help. I'm sorry," words escaped my lips.  
He sighed again, walking to window.

"You don't have to be sorry. Look Eponine, there are people who need you," he said.  
I already know that! Every day, I see them, looking at me, thinking about me, taking me as dead already. I don't blame them. I take myself as dead already too. When there's no other way left how would you considerate yourself?

"I know."

"I don't want to hurt you Eponine. Just try to live. At least for them," he said slowly turning to me.

"Thank you for this doctor, but I'm trying. I'm trying but sometimes it's too much for me. I'm not strong person. I live, but for how long?" my voice cracked slowly.

"Today the results of your latest test came. It's getting worse," he said, his strong arms embracing me suddenly.

Tears fell down on white hospital cloak. So my time shortened. It's strange... I know I'm gonna die, yet I take all of this results badly.

"Thank you for telling me," I whispered. Now I understand why was he talking with me before. He was trying to prepare me.  
"Thank you," I whispered again.

He broke the embrace, his hand placed on my shoulder.

"I know it's hard," he sighed. "Well, keep the hope inside you."

I just nodded. What other choice I have?

"I'll try," I said lifting my head up, wiping the tears away. Hope. The only thing lasting when everything is gone. That's not quite true but still I use it.

"I'm sorry Eponine. Your chances are smaller but don't give up. There's still chance," he said.

Chance. Maybe a small one but still a chance.

"I'm waiting for miracles to come, but what will happen, if they won't?" I repeated the question I've used so many times before.

He just sighed. Both of us knew the answer for a long time.

"Well, try to rest now."

His white cloak disappeared in door, leaving me alone again. With my solitude.

So, death is coming faster and faster.  
It's like a black hole. You're coming slowly, but it'll get you anyway. It'll be dragging you, pulling you, torturing you... But there's only one end left... and that's entering the hole. A hole without any way back.

I just wish it won't be so hard for them. For him now.  
Now when Enjolras knows about my state it's even harder. Maybe it was one year but my feelings didn't die. Truth be told, they grew.  
How can I stood a look into his eyes? Where is he now?  
Maybe he obeys for the first time. Maybe he just need to do something. How I wish he would not appear, yet I'm like I could saw him again.  
He shouldn't return. It's not good for him. For us.  
Maybe the first miracle came. But was it good?

Just take one step Eponine... then another. Move over... And live the life which reminds you...

My eyes closed. I didn't feel tired anymore bit I knew that when I would open my eyes I would be tired a lot.  
Just not another dream... not another nightmare.

Drifting to my sleep. Maybe I will really just wake up once and I will find out everything is just a dream. But reality is too cruel to allow that so what's the point in it anymore?

Sleep Eponine... and hope for better tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N  
**So, instead of doing a project I was writing this. But it was worth of it!  
Thanks to all readers and reviewers. And to followers and to those, who have favored this story too.  
Sorry for my English again.  
Review if you want.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Few days later**  
**Third person's POV**

Valjean slowly walked into his room, sitting on chair immediately. His clothes were covered with blood but he didn't care. All he care about was his decision.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he muttered silently as he buried his face into his hands.

He shouldn't allow them to go. Maybe if he wouldn't, everything would be alright.  
Maybe if he wouldn't have agreed, it would be alright.

"Papa?" a young voice rang through the silent room.  
Valjean's eyes lifted up to see his daughter. Her hair was totally mess and her socks were not the same color. But it was maybe three o'clock in morning after all. He should have known, she'll come...  
Sure, she's Eponine's friend. She heard about it probably...

"Papa, what happened?" her voice was filled with fear but worry mostly.  
Valjean sighed, walking towards her.

"A disaster, Cosette. A disaster," he said trying to control his voice. He didn't want to break in front of his daughter.  
He has no right to talk about this. Truth be told, he doesn't even know the full story, only some scraps of sentences he managed to process.

"Papa is... is she..." her voice cracked. There was clear fear in her eyes.  
I sighed again.

"I don't know...I'm not the right person to tell you" I answered the only answer I could gave her. Answer which meant nothing and so much at the same time.

"Papa, please! Tell me what happened," she said, her fingers wrapping around her shirt.

"I'm not the right person to tell you. Ask Enjolras," I said placing my hand on her shoulder.

Her eyes widened.

"So it's true. It isn't joke," she whispered.

Valjean's head lowered. Ask Enjolras, he'll know. Ask Enjolras, he was there. Ask Enjolras, he saw it. These thoughts weren't leaving Valjean's head.  
He sat behind his working table and took some papers. He didn't read them, he didn't even look at them. He just wanted to get Cosette away just for a few moments. He loved her as much as he possibly could. But he needed to be alone.  
Cosette understood and she slowly turned around.

"He's in waiting room," Valjean's voice echoed through the room.

"Thanks dad. See you later," she said with light smile on her lips but fear didn't leave her eyes.  
Valjean closed his eyes tightly. Maybe if he would be faster... Maybe if he would be more responsible... Maybe if he won't let them go...  
He never took any pacient as Eponine. She was more like daughter to him... And now... There's no now.  
Tear slowly fell on the paper in front of him. And the guilty started to fill him up.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Sitting here, waiting.  
For what?  
I don't even know.  
There were no tears left now in my eyes. Like I cried out every one which was ever created.  
What just happened? It should be perfect. How is this even possible?  
Oh, Eponine.  
It was too perfect to last. How blind I was. I should have been more careful. And this wouldn't happen.  
White walls everywhere around me, blood covering my shirt. My blood mixed with hers.  
It's all my fault. I force her to go with me... And now... How can I talk of now?  
Memories were coming in, and I didn't even want them to. I didn't find the strength to oppose them.  
I let them in. They would come the other time if I won't.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

"Thank you doctor! Thank you!" my voice ranged through the doctor's office. He smiled at me.

"Just remember no exhausting activities and be here around the midnight. Take care of her" doctor smiled at me.

I just asked him, if I could take Eponine out with me. I've thought it would be the best thing for us now. To start slowly repairing what was broken.

"I will," I smiled shaking his hand.

I liked him almost immediately. I saw him in past days when I was with Eponine here. It must be so boring for her. From what I remember she was full of energy all the time and no matter what, she won't be just laying on the bed without a move. Time's changed.  
But doctor Valjean was one of the best doctor's I've ever met. Maybe the fact it's Cosette's father helped too.  
I was excited about this night. Everything was prepared. Now, only Eponine was missing.

"Do you know, where I can find her?" I asked him, my voice was light and strong. Full of happiness.

"Try her room. Or library," Valjean smiled at me.

"Oh, and don't forget that she needs to drink often so she won't be dehydrated," he added.

"Thank you doctor. We'll return before the midnight,"I said walking out from his office.

Time was really getting better. I left my previous job. I must say, I missed the feeling of the freedom. Only thing which bothers me now is Eponine and her state.  
Doctor Valjean find out that we're close and he told me the things straightly. Without a proper treatment she'll be dead in few months. What does it mean? Two or nine months? How much time is it? There's no answer for this.

I knocked on the door of room where she was placed and opened the door silently. She wasn't there. Was she really in library? I wouldn't tell she was that kind of person.

My steps were slowly following the route to library. I entered, breathing that specific smell of books I loved so much. There weren't many people in here. She was sitting behind small table, reading some book.

"Eponine?" I asked her silently. There was still some kind of barrier between us. Both of us wanted it to disappear but it didn't. Not in one second. But it was weaker day by day.  
Her head slowly lifted up, watching me.

"Yes?" a quiet response from her rang my ears. Her hands slowly closed the book, putting it away.

"I wouldn't tell that you're a bookworm,"I smiled at her. She didn't smile back but a small spark appeared in her eyes.

"I wasn't until you appeared. I found the days more boring then, than ever," she said taking my hand slowly.

"So I'm the reason why you started to do something useful?" I laughed.

Her hand squeezed mine.

"I wouldn't say useful. I would say something that is shortening the time when you, Amis or Gav and 'Zelma will come," she answered leading me through the corridors.

It wasn't like the old times but still better than her first reaction when I appeared. She was still far away from my reach. But maybe this night will change this.

"Well, say what you want to say," she said as she opened the door on hospital room.

"How do you know I want to say something?" I asked her walking in slowly, closing the door.

"You're so predictable. When you're excited about something your eyes are shining and your head is inclined on your right side more than usual. That's it. Now, what's going on?" she asked sitting on bed.

I slowly realized, that my head was really inclined on the right side more.

"Well, would you... would you like to go out with me tonight?" I asked immediately feeling myself blushing.

Her eyes were observing me slowly.

"You have the permission?" she asked still watching me.

"Sure," I grinned at her.

"So what are we waiting for?" she said and started to walk out of the room.

"Eponine? Uhm... Maybe it'll be better if you would get some other clothes on you," I said looking at her hospital shirt.

"And would you tell me how, when there's a man in the room unwilling to give me some privacy?" she said to me seriously.

I blushed even more, when I found out she's making her jokes again. Well, she's the right to.

"Okay," I said and immediately left the room.

One thing I don't understand is, how can she keep her face so still all the time. If I would be on her place, I would burst in laugh immediately.  
But she's Eponine. And no one knows Eponine perfectly.

She walked out in record time not fitting to any girl I saw clothing.

"You're fast,"I stated.

"And what would you expect? You've chosen a living skeleton as your company for tonight. And skeletons don't need much time for their looks," she said.

I know she meant it as joke but still, something deep inside me was hurting me, when I heard her talking about herself like this.

"Eponine, you're not skeleton," I said walking near her. She wasn't wearing her coat just sweatshirt and old jeans.

"And how would you describe me?" she asked her voice filled with something strange.

"Beautiful," this word made her stop.

"You mean it?" she asked me, looking in my eyes.

"Absolutely," I answered, taking her hand.

"C'mon. We don't want to be late," I said.

"And where are we going?" she asked a small indication of smile appearing on her lips.

"A surprise," I grinned at her, knowing how patient she is, when it comes to surprises.

"If I would kept the tears I've cried for you, I would have drown you in them right now," she said to me trying to keep her face serious.

I didn't know how to react at this. Should I laugh and show her that I don't care? Should I stay silent?

"Okay you've won!" I said, smiling at her.

* * *

**Reality**

I was ripped from my memory by loud stepping on floor. I realized I'm smiling. But smile disappeared immediately, when reality hit me. My eyes lifted up to see Amis, Azelma and Gavroche and Cosette with Marius entering the corridor.  
I sighed and buried my face into my hands. What should I do? How can I explain?  
Instead of answer another memory took place in my mind.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

She was walking by my side, holding my arm tightly. We left the restaurant I chose. It was a beautiful dinner.

"Well, this was much better than hospital dinner," she said.

I smiled at her, opening the door of car for her.

"So, gentleman again?" she asked me, slowly getting in. I rolled my eyes closing the door and getting in too.

"Well, and now?" she asked.

"This is real surprise and there's no way you would get this from me," I grinned at her desperate look.

"I'm giving up," she sighed, looking out from window.

"It's good to be out," she said, still looking out even when it was dark night.

I smiled, driving carefully.

"Why are you so silent?" she asked me, her face turning away from window.

"I don't want to give you the opportunity to tease me," I said.

"There's no need to be silent. I can tease you whenever I want," she said. The indication of smile almost broke to real smile but she was controlling herself too much.

"Really Eponine, smile!" I said to her laughing.

"No. What would I do if something would be really funny?" she asked me. She has the point.

"Really, where are we going?" she asked again. I sighed. Maybe it would be better to tell her. But all the fun would be gone by that.

"I'm seriously thinking about covering your eyes with something," I laughed.

"Don't you dare," she whispered, her voice quite dangerous.

"Okay... That wasn't best idea," I turned right and stopped.

"Come," I said to her simply.

"Not another gentleman manners?" she asked as she opened her door making me roll my eyes.

I gently grabbed her hand.

"Where are we?" she asked. I didn't respond immediately. Instead of that, I leaded her to small hill covered with grass and few rocks.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked her, pointing on city in front of us. Lights were making a beautiful picture in the dark night.

"It is," she whispered, her head placing on my shoulder, her hand holding mine.

"What is this place?" she asked again.

I carefully placed my hand to her cheek, turning her face to me.

"This is place father took me once," I said. She already know about my family issues. Not everything was perfect with us but we were somehow still at good states.

"Oh," she whispered. She understands this place is precious to me. The things I love on her. Her abilities to understand.

I looked at the city again.

"I didn't know, that you have the pockets full of books," she said suddenly. My eyes widened in shock. How did she...

"Eponine, return it!" I said to her. It was just an ordinary book but I didn't want her to find out what was that book about.

"Try to get it," she said. I sighed. She wants to play a game... so let's play her game. I jumped to her, trying to take that book away. Her hand immediately pulled away.

"Who would say that you would be reading a romance," she said backing. I grabbed her hand but the book was in her other hand suddenly.

"Just don't say anybody," I begged her, still trying to get my book back.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with..." she was cut of by my sharp movement which pulled her closer to me.

Suddenly, we found ourselves on the ground. I was on the top of her breathing heavily. I slowly took the book from her hands, putting it into my pocket again.

"Look!" she pointed on something above us. My head turned to the place where her hand was pointing, only to find myself on the ground near her.

"Got you!" she said.

I smiled at her.  
Things were really getting better.

* * *

**Reality**

Things were getting better, only to be worse.

"Enjolras!"

Something between shout and whisper called my name. My head lifted up to see their worrying looks.

"You have to explain us. Please," someone said. And what should I say? How can I possibly explain? Is there another way?

How can I tell them what happened?

No, I'm not that strong...  
I have not enough strength to tell them the truth.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N  
**So, Chapter 10.  
Thanks for reading. Big thanks for reviewing, following, favoring...  
So three chapters in three days. That means I should go and make my homework! (I'm joking... Breaks were made for something, weren't they?)  
Sorry for my English again.  
Reviews are more than welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Grantaire's POV**

He wasn't looking well. But that mattered to me less. She was the priority.

"Enjolras, where's she?" I asked him, controlling myself as much as I could. Maybe I gave him a chance. That doesn't mean he's forgiven. And now... I don§t know. I need to know what happened. Then, I'll decide if would kill him or not.  
He was silent, holding his head in his hands desperately.

"Enjolras what happened? If you don't want to tell us okay. But at least tell us if she's alright!" Azelma said sitting next to his side.  
Everyone including me were watching him. His eyes slowly lifted, watching us.

"No," he said.

One ( I won't swear) word instead of some explaining. One word explaining nothing.  
I become sober because of him! But mostly because of her.  
Okay, he may be in shock, or in stress. But he should be able to tell one sentence.

"Enjolras make it clearer! You're in shock but we need to know," Joly came to his other side.

Even now I remember the reaction of Amis, when we told them about him. Laughing. That was all we get. And when he appeared behind our backs suddenly, laughing changed into silence. Complete silence without a word.

Enjolras just shook his head.

"Enjolras is she dead or not?!" I spat at him, meeting Joly's disapproving look.  
Yes, he was my best friend once. That doesn't mean he's my best friend now.

Enjolras stood up sharply his fists clenched. He looked dangerous.

"I don't know!" he shouted at us, making us take a step back.

"I don't know," he almost whispered leaning against the wall. Joly came to him, taking his hand.

"Okay Enjolras...can you tell us what happened? Or is there something you can't mention?" Joly said.

Enjolras sighed.  
I pittied him. Maybe I shouldn't be so sharp. He's still my friend. Maybe not best, but still, I count him as a friend.  
Enjolras' mouth opened and all of us were listening. Listening but not wanting to know the truth. Listening but not wanting to believe. Listening only to find out about our Eponine. About our broken Angel.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Why are they shouting at me? What do they want?  
Where is she?  
Their words rang through my head without understanding.

"...is she dead or not?" a voice appeared. How am I supposed to know? I was present. That doesn't mean I know it all. Is she dead? No... she can't be...

"I don't know!" I shouted, releasing all the emotions, breathing heavily.

"I don't know," I whispered.

Someone took my hand.

"...can you tell us what happened?" a question echoed through my mind. No, I can't. I'm not the right person to tell it. But if I'm not than who is? I'm the one responsible. I was here. They've the right to know. After all I've done...  
And my mouth opened. And voice was talking. And memories were coming back.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

"You know, I'm feeling like the stars above us," she broke the silence which fell between us.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, turning my face away from the cold light of the moon.

"I mean, that when you're looking at them, you're looking at past. They aren't existing anymore. I feel similarly. I know I'm already dead, yet I'm trying to live my death life," she said.

I sighed, closing my eyes.

Where's your hope Eponine? Where did you leave the hope?  
Where are these thoughts coming from? It's not like you, when you're talking like this. It's like the death is speaking through you. Death and desperation.

"But what if you're shining down from the sky, making other's lives happier?" I asked her, trying to bring her another view on things. More optimistic.

"Making their lives happier by dying? Don't be ridiculous Enjolras. Only thing I'm capable of is hurting," she whispered silently.

"Don't think about yourself like this Eponine," I said to her.

"And how should I think about yourself? The hope in better tomorrow won't save me. It gives me a false illusion of something better. But reality is different. It always is different," she sighed.

How can I possibly explain her that the hope is still here, when she doesn't want to believe in hope?  
My look lifted up to the stars. Only they knows what will come. They'll show us the right way.

"Don't even think about it Enjolras. Stars won't help you. It's again the false illusion. Stars won't help you to stood up. Stars won't help you with problems. Still, they're beautiful..." she said, closing her eyes.

False illusions... Where are those things coming from? Eponine I had known wasn't acting like this. Wasn't talking like this. But Eponine I had known disappeared the day I disappeared

I looked at mobile. The time was floating and it was time to go. I slowly lifted myself up.  
My eyes were watching her. It seemed like she fell asleep.  
What do I do now?  
I leaned over her carefully, taking her from the cold ground. Her eyes opened a little.

"A gentleman again?" she laughed silently.

"You've actually laughed. This night's getting better," I laughed too.

She rolled her eyes, while I was carrying her to car. She was so light. It was strange like her body fitted into my arms. Perfectly. Like two pieces of puzzles.

"Now, it's up to you. Do you want back seats or front seat?" I asked her, knowing, that she's awake.

"Front," she said with grin, standing up on her own feet smiling lightly. I missed her smile so much. I missed that perfect picture of her, when she was smiling, revealing her dimples.

I closed the door of the car, sitting on the seat.

Strange silence.

Silence, where all of your thoughts could be heard.  
I looked at her pale face and I couldn't took my look back. She looked so stunning in the darkness of the car.

My hand touched her cold fingers.  
Her presence was pulling me closer and closer.  
Our faces were only inches away know.  
My eyes closed.

And my lips met hers.

I could feel her body trembling. My hand placed on her back, passing it, making her shiver. Her lips were cold.  
I kissed her again, holding her small hand in my larger one.

Something wet and hot touched my skin.  
I opened my eyes realizing tears running down her face. She turned away from me.  
Why?

"Eponine," I addressed her gently.

"Don't Enjolras," she whispered, sobbing in silence of the car.

"Eponine, please," I started.

"Enjolras don't make yourself to go through this. I'm dying. Do you want to deal with my death?" her voice was so broken. I've thought that it would be a beautiful night. I turned her face to me gently.

"I don't care Eponine. I don't care if you're dying," I said but she shook her head in desperation.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," she said looking into my eyes.

"You aren't. And you won't," I said to her kissing her forehead lightly.

"We should go," she whispered, breaking the eye contact.

"Sure."

Maybe I'm too fast on her. Maybe her feelings have changed. Maybe she needs more time...  
We were silent all the time. A few sobs escaped her lips but they stopped too.

It was darkness everywhere.

Suddenly a lights appeared in front of my car.

No...

"Eponine!" I shouted desperately, knowing what is going to happen.

Crash.  
A loud crash.

* * *

**Reality**

"No," few whispers appeared around me. How much of my thoughts left my mouth? What did I tell them? The worst part is only waiting. The worst part of our lives.

* * *

_**Flashback**_  
**Eponine's POV**

Crash.  
A loud crash.

Darkness was everywhere around me. I was numb to pain. I couldn't feel the world around me.

What happened?

My eyes were still filled with darkness.  
And then it hit me...  
A sharp pain. From my arm. From my head. From my whole body.  
My head hurt really badly.

World of darkness was slowly changing into world of shadows. Metal smell of the blood was getting into my nose. Its taste was in my mouth.  
Silent moan escaped my lips.

I closed my eyes tightly.

Deep red. That was all I could saw. Just red everywhere.

Strong hand grabbed my hurt arm, making me open my eyes with another silent moan. Something clicked and I felt the pressure on my chest fading away.

And then I saw him. His face.

_And face._  
_That face._  
_Face I thought I would never see again.  
_  
And this face smiled at me with its devil glare. Then he laughed.  
My look found Enjolras. He was unconscious.

Strong hand dragged me out of the car. Face made of shadows.

I looked at Enjolras again.  
I can't lose him! Not after what happened between us.  
His eyelids trembled slightly.

"Leave me! Just let me go!" I whispered. I wasn't able to shout.

My eyes met with the eyes of that face.

He laughed again throwing me on the cold ground. My eyes closed when the pain appeared again. I breathed heavily.  
And his face was haunting me everywhere. That horrible face.

The face of Thenárdier.

Face of my own father.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Darkness. Only word describing it properly. I couldn't get away. My eyes didn't want to open. My ears registered a soft moan.

Who was there? Where is the moan coming from? What happened?

Crash.

My eyes shot open immediately.

Eponine!

But she wasn't on the front seat. I looked in front of me, realizing the other car which hit us. Old black car.  
I was trying to free myself. Airbag was in front of me, but I wasn't able to move properly. The space was too small. I tried to open the door. Nothing. I was trapped here.

A cold rough laugh.

Where was it coming from?

And then my eyes found them. There were four men around her. She was laying on the ground. Is she hurt? Is she alright?

The wave of nausea appeared, making me to close my eyes.

What the hell happened?

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"Let you go Eponine? Did you really think, that you'll escape from me?" his voice was getting into my mind making the most horrible memories to appear again.

"You should be in jail," a whisper escaped my lips.

"And you should be dead," he said and he pulled me up.

"What did you think? That I won't find you? That I won't want some revenge? You was the one who witnessed at the court. You sent me to jail!" a flesh hit the flesh. If he wouldn't hold me, I would fall.

My face turned away from his.

"It was the best decision of my life," I said to him. Not wise choice but what should I tell him? I won't lie just because he wants to hear my begging.

He spat at me throwing me on the ground again.

"I would say, that you need a lesson of a good behavior. It seems you've forgotten how to act with your father," he said kicking me everywhere.

"Brujon!" Thenárdier shouted at man. Maybe he was my biological father but he doesn't deserve that title.

Brujon came to my side hesitantly. I looked at him with my desperate look.

"Hit her!" some other man said.

My face twisted in pain as his fist hit my cheek. I felt the blood running down my face.

"Babet," my father addressed another member of his damned gang. I was trying to catch my breath after the kick, which made me lose my breath.

"Father please, just forget me," I screamed in pain which another kick brought up.

He came to my side, gently taking my hair away, whispering.

"Give me one reason to," he said and he slapped me again

"Claquesous!" father's voice appeared again. I closed my eyes ready for the pain to appear.

"Stop it!"

I opened my eyes only to see to person I once believed.

"Stop it," he repeated.

"Montparnasse, are you mad?!" Claquesous asked him.

Montparnasse came to my side. He gently placed his hand on my bleeding cheek.

"You've told him," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," his weak response told me, that he's really sorry. I can't blame him. My father would be killing for the information about me. The thing is I've thought that he would keep the place where I am for him. He was a good friend. Still is.

"Montparnasse hit her!" Thenárdier shouted.

"No."

"What did you say?" Thenárdier asked again.

"I said NO!" Montparnasse turned sharply to face my father.

I was trying to lift myself up. Damn my weakness.

Thenárdier was shaking his head.

"You Montparnasse? My best man? Turning against me?"

"I was working for you. I was trying to give my best to you. Why? Only to hear your praise. To become your son! And what did you do? You get me more of your dirty work! More of slavery. I should have never bring you here," Montparnasse said anger clear in his voice.

"Why can't you let her go? Why can't you be a father to her just for once? Do you know what her state is?"

My eyes widened.

"Montparnasse, please..." I begged him.

"She's leukemia. She's dying, Thenárdier. She's dying and you're going to take her last chance away. I hate you!" Montparnasse almost spat the last words at Thenárdier.

"You'll pay for this!" Thenárdier said slowly.

I closed my eyes, clenched my teeth and stood up.

I jumped in front of Montparnasse. A second later I could feel the steel entering my body.

I saw father's eyes widening. Silent moan escaped my lips. I looked at him, my hair falling to my face, my eyes pleading him for mercy.  
I breathed heavily as dagger left my stomach. Blood splashed from the wound immediately.

I lost my balance falling down to Montparnasse's strong arms, soft moan escaping my lips. His hand pressed to the wound, making my body twist in agony.

"I'm sorry Eponine. I'm so sorry," he said to me, tears leaving his eyes. This was the first time I saw him crying.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered, coughing weakly.

"Oh, 'Ponine," he said as he took his coat and pressed it to my wound. I looked at his almost black eyes.

"You're forgiven," I whispered.

"I don't deserve it."

Another cars appeared from nowhere.  
I was losing my consciousness slowly.

"Don't leave me here alone Eponine!" he begged me but I wasn't able to respond anymore. The world became blur.  
My eyes slowly closed.

And the darkness appeared once again.

* * *

**Enjolras POV  
**  
I was looking at them as they were kicking her, hitting her. Anger was filling my entire body yet I couldn't do anything.

My eyes reached mobile phone under me. It must fell from my pocket. My hand extended, trying to reach it. Just another inch. I was almost touching it. A little more...

I grabbed the phone, but my hand couldn't move enough to bring it closer to my eyes or ears.

I sighed in despair.

Display was scratched just on the place where the calls were. My fingers slowly tapped on messages sighing in desperation again.  
I found Valjean's name.  
He was the last hope. He could save us. My fingers were trying to write a readable message.

Battery is low...

I immediately sent it hoping it would reach Valjean. Just before I could see if the sending was successful the display went black.

Dammit!

Now, only hope is lasting. And stars above me.  
The false illusion.

_"Don't even think about it Enjolras. Stars won't help you. It's again the false illusion. Stars won't help you to stood up. Stars won't help you with problems. Still, they're beautiful..."  
_  
My eyes widened.

I looked around myself trying to find some way out of this wreckage. Minutes were floating too fast and I can't stop them! How much minutes passed? Ten? Fifteen?

My eyes widened even more when I saw her shadow falling into man's arms. What happened?

No...

I kicked to door with such a strength I would never tell I have but nothing happened. My hand was trying to open the door again, shaking with the handle desperately. I have to see her!

Something finally clicked and the door opened.

As I was running towards her, cars and emergency appeared. I ignored the pain which was pulsing through my head. All I cared about was her.

She was laying on the ground, man pressing some old coat to her stomach. His coat was wet from something. Something which seemed as blood.  
No... This can't be happening.

"Eponine!" I shouted and run to her.

Her arm was surely broken, blood covering her pale face. Her eyes were closed. Men around them didn't say anything. They weren't defending when police appeared.  
I saw Valjean's face in the mass of the people.

"What happened?" he asked. Man which was holding Eponine answered.

"Stabbed into stomach... She was... trying to save me," he said, his voice broken. I remembered him from somewhere I just didn't know from where.

And suddenly I found myself in hospital, waiting. For what? For decision. For Eponine's decision to live.

* * *

**Reality**

**Enjolras' POV**

My face buried into my hands. Their looks were following my every move.

"My God," someone whispered behind me.

Azelma.  
She fell to chair next to me. The mentioning of her father wasn't best option. But they wanted to know. And I told them so.

What should I do know?

Only hope. Even if it has to be false illusion.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N  
**Chapter 11. A shorter one, I know.  
Thanks for reading. Big thanks for reviews.  
Sorry for my English.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

We were here for four hours at least. No one said a word from the moment I finished. No one wanted to break this torturing silence.  
Everyone was waiting. Waiting for the door to open, only to hear the answer to one sentence: Is she alive?

Is she alive?  
This simple question was racing through our heads, not leaving us the whole time.

But the more important question: Was it my mistake? Am I responsible?  
If I wouldn't take her with me... this wouldn't happen. But on the other hand, something more terrible could happen.  
Am I the one to blame?

The moment we were waiting for finally came.

The face of young doctor appeared. She looked quite tired. She was working for four hours, she has a right to be tired.

"Here for Miss Eponine?" she asked, knowing the answer probably.

We nodded without a word. The tensive silence was still broken only by young doctor.  
She closed the door behind her silently.

"She's in coma. Her state is bad and the fact she has leukemia isn't helping either. She's alive but..."

There's always some but.

"Her state is unstable. She's lost too much blood. It's up to her now. She can wake up in few hours, once the painkillers will leave her body. But she may not wake up in days... months," she said, her look filled with bit of understanding.

Suddenly, the loud steps echoed through the waiting room.

"Can we talk in private?" a voice appeared from behind us. I turned to see Valjean. Doctor nodded slowly and she followed Valjean.

"Is Eponine going to die?" Gavroche asked, holding his tears inside. The look on boy was terrible. He was so scared... Well, his sister may die because of... of me? Of her father? Or because of both of us?

"She won't die. I won't allow it," I whispered silently. I'm saying that I won't allow it, but am I really that deceived to make it so?  
"Enjolras don't make false illusions," a voice appeared in my head. "Her state was poor even before the crash. How much of life is lasting her?"

And we were silent again.  
Waiting again.  
Waiting and it seemed like we have to wait forever.

Valjean appeared but without a doctor.

"Are we allowed to see her?" Grantaire asked him. We were watching him, the suspense growing and growing.  
Valjean looked at us. His clothes were changed to clear ones. There was no blood. No blood of hers.

"Yes... but only in two. It would be a risk, when there would be more than two people. Don't touch anything. She's connected to some machines on which depends her life. And I wouldn't suggest to walk in to those, who are sensitive. It isn't a good look."

He looked at me. There was something more in his eyes.

"Can we help her?" I asked.

"Now it's up to her. But this accident didn't help the leukemia much. It's worse again," he sighed silently. So her time shortened again. She was so fragile before... One stronger touch, and she had a new bruise. How did she take this?

"How much it costs?" the words left my mouth without any control.

"What do you mean?"

"How much money she needs for chemotherapy and those things?"

"Are you..."

"I'm going to pay even if it costs a million. I don't care about the money!" I shouted.

"Calm down and come with me... I have to explain the things to you," he said, taking me with him.  
I don't care how much money it costs. Her life is the highest price. And I won't lose her again. I can't lose her...

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Sharp light. Sharp light everywhere.  
Am I... Am I dead?

Kneeling in silence.

Alone.

A beautiful woman's voice appearing from no where.

_Come with me_

_Where chains will never bind you_

_All your grief_

_At last, at last behind you_

Is she inviting me to death? Or am I already dead?

_Take my hand..._

A light figure appeared in front of me, stretching her hand to me.  
I backed immediately.  
I can't die. What would Gavroche and Azelma do without me? How would boys take it? How would Enjolras react?  
No, I can't die!

"Give me back my life... please," I whispered and closed my eyes tightly.

Light didn't leave my vision.

When I opened them, everything went black. Too black. Figure disappeared. Voice faded.  
Where am I?

And memories hit me.

_Life._

_What does it means for you?_  
_Is it precious? Or is it just a usual daily thing?_  
_I tell you, you don't know the prize of life until you're loosing it._  
_How do I know it?_

I was dying. I am dying. And I will be death once.

I was blind again. Moments were too perfect to last. The price of my life changed in those moments. Its price was different. Life became again the daily thing. And now...

I would go to the end of the world only to see them again. To tell them how sorry I am. Ask them for forgiveness.  
There is one thing... I have to stay here, at the end of the world. I can't return back here or I'll stay here forever. Am I really strong enough to make it?  
They deserve a better mother.  
Better friend.  
Better sister.  
Not some human, who isn't human anymore.

Take me away from time... Make it stop. Just for a few seconds. Few seconds in which I will be able to see them again.

Goodbye Stars... we won't see each other for some time.

Goodbye Hope... you've helped me but where are you now?

Hello Loneliness... we meet again.

Hello Darkness... I didn't except you so soon.

Close your already closed eyes Eponine... Sleep... Maybe the sleep will wash away the pain. The memories. And maybe you'll find yourself dead. If you're not already dead.

Talking to myself. Am I really that desperate?  
Maybe yes... Probably...

Pain hit me from sudden. Was it pain of my beaten body? Or the pain coming from my soul?  
Good question...  
And it hit me again. And again...

And my eyelids opened a little. And the sounds were coming to my ears for a few seconds.

And I felt... alive.

* * *

**A three days after the car crash  
**  
**Unknown person's POV**

Walking past the cold morning streets. It was raining heavily yesterday and it seems like today would be the same.

Why did I even come here?  
To find my lost past?

I shook my head. The city didn't change much from my last visits from maybe four years ago. Same buildings, streets, but new people. I didn't recognize anyone.  
I was walking past the newsstand when something got my attention. There, on the ground were placed some older newspapers.

I froze suddenly.  
The title on one of them said:

_Thenárdier escaped!_

I slowly came closer, examining it.

"Would you like to buy something?" some old man, seller probably, asked me.

"No, I'm sorry. I just want to ask, did they catch him?" I asked, pointing on the photo of Thenárdier on the others newspapers.

"You aren't local are you? Never mind. No they did not. But Police have clues and they're going after him," man said.

I nodded slowly, examining the others newspapers.

_Son of lawyer crashed!_

Another title said.

Some rich boy, who was boring again...

"But the fact he escaped isn't the worst," man continued. My look lifted up.

"What did he do?"

"It was three days ago. He crashed into car. Police said, he planned it. Poor boy and girl..." old man sighed.  
So... Thenárdier crashed into the car where was the son of lawyer and girl... his girlfriend?

"Do you.. do you know them?"

"Well, the boy is a son of a well known lawyer but I've never met him. Girl was working for me sometimes. Poor child she has an acute leukemia. It hit her from sudden. And now this..." sorrow could be heard from man's voice. Well, when someone gets leukemia it's never easy...

"Eponine, was her name. She was a good worker. She's so young and yet she must be passing through these things..." man was talking now more to him than to me. Bu I didn't mind that.

A crash...

Leukemia...

Eponine...

Eponine?!

My eyes widened in shock.

"Thank you for your time," I said but it looked like he wasn't in reality.

I have to find her now.  
Find them... now.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**  
Another chapter.  
Thanks for reading. Big thanks for reviews and for favoring too.  
Sorry for my English.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Unknown person's POV**

I went straight to hospital right after I found out. I asked everywhere and they showed me the right place.  
But is it right thing to do? Should I reveal myself after those years?

My hand took handle of the door, opening them.

Room was silent. Only beeping of some machines echoed the room. White color everywhere. Why did they choose white color? It's depressive as much as black.

My eyes were observing the room. Finding hospital bed. Finding... her.

She was sleeping probably. Her chest was rising and falling down slowly, in steady rhythm. Her skin was pale, her lips were almost white.

I came to her side immediately, observing her wounds. Her arms were bruised badly. The right arm mostly.  
There was blood on white hospital shirt she wore. Maybe her blood.  
Her auburn hair were contrasting with white color everywhere.

She grew up. I wouldn't recognize her probably. But when I'm looking at her now, I'm sure it's her... It is Eponine.

Poor child.

Leukemia...  
She doesn't deserve this. Why is life so cruel to her?

I touched her hand lightly. Her skin was cool. Maybe too much cool.  
My hand gently stroked her cheek.

"I'm sorry Eponine... I'm so sorry," I whispered, knowing, that she won't hear me probably.

I sighed looking at her. What was her life like? Is she dating someone?  
Damn Thenárdier and his stupid gang...

"You?!" a shout ripped the silence away. And that voice was familiar. I turned to see the face. To see the face I didn't saw for a longer time than Eponine's.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

I was so close... So close to break through the walls of my weaknesses.  
But I've failed. Again...  
The chance slipped away from my fingers. I wasn't able to grab it again.  
Only darkness lasted.  
Terrible cold darkness. Darkness with no light. Darkness, which absorbed all the warmth.  
Fear.  
That's one word describing my feelings. Fear ripping my soul. Clenching it, beating it, scratching it... Fear doesn't want my soul to be whole. Because whole things are harder to divide... The smaller parts are ripping easier. And this Fear is torturing me in this darkness I cannot fight with... in this silence... in this nightmare.  
I'm reaching...  
But I fall...  
And the stars are black and cold...  
So cold...  
Reaching again...  
Trying to reach...  
My invisible fingers stretching to invisible hope...  
Touching it...  
Feeling it...  
Believing in it...  
Leaving it.  
Reaching for the life...  
Light is appearing again. I can feel the wind. Hear the sounds.  
And I'm falling again.  
No!  
My fingers wanted to touch the light...  
A voice rang through my head. Somehow familiar... Whose voice is it? I know it from somewhere...  
But the voice faded with the cold light too. And there was darkness again.

* * *

**Unknown person's POV**

Montparnasse.

The man from Thenárdier's gang.  
"What are you doing here? Are coming to end his bloody work?" I snapped at him.

"What? I would never..." he started but I stood up, cutting him off.

"If you want to touch her then you must kill me first!" I said.

"You know I can do it. But I don't want to hurt her. Where were you all the time? She needed you! All of them needed you! And now you're here ready to defend her, to give your life in exchange for hers. What happened to those wasted years?" his voice ripped every excuse which my mind was creating. I have no excuse for this.

"Don't talk about the things you don't understand," I whispered silently.

'I have the right to talk. You left them on their own. Left them with Thenárdier. You know how they suffered? You know he beat them to death almost? And you call yourself a mother. And you came here... For what?" his voice... His voice was bringing only truth to my ears. The truth my heart already knows but my mind doesn't want to admit it.

"That's not your thing," I whispered.

"It is my thing. Do you know what consequences this can have? Did you think that they maybe don't want you anymore? Or did you just say that it would be your way and you came here?"

"Shut up!" I shouted at him. My breathing fastened.

"Hearing the truth is not easy, is it?" he grinned at me, walking to Eponine.

Of course he's right. I acted selfishly. But I had to see her!

"And where is he? Where's your dirty gang? And where is he?" I asked him sharply. He walked to me.

"I'm not a part of it do you hear me?! Not anymore..." he said to me coldly.

"O course you aren't," I laughed. Does he really think I'm stupid or what?

"I'm NOT a part of it!" he repeated to me.

"Tell my beloved husband that he's a bastard," I said, ignoring him.

"Oh, yes? Go and tell him yourself. I'm not your messenger," he snapped at me.

Our looks were sending bolts and thunders at each other.

A soft moan broke the awkward silence between us. Montparnasse was the first one to react.

"Eponine!"

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Voices.  
I've heard voices again...  
Silence their anger!  
Let them calm down!  
Don't let them be so sharp!  
Why are they arguing?  
Why can't they be quiet?  
It hurts...  
A sharp pain...  
Light appearing again, creating some kond of hole...|  
My fingers touching it.  
I took all the strength I could find and I reached for the light.

It felt strange...  
But there was darkness again. Did I not make it?  
No... I must have...  
The loud tone rang through my head. A voice. Somehow familiar again. Is it some illusion?  
Another shout appeared, pain hit me right after it.

My eyes opened a little. There was something blur above me. Face? No... Two faces...  
And one of them...  
That is not possible!

"Mother!" I shouted.

* * *

**Mme. Thenárdier's POV**

Montparnasse was holding her hand. Her eyes were moving fast under her eyelids. She looked so vulnerable in this state...  
And her eyes opened suddenly. Her beautiful brown eyes.  
She looked so lost. I wanted to touch her... To comfort her. I didn't find the courage to do so.  
Her eyes were looking at me.

"Mother!" she shouted, her voice so weak and soft. She looked poor. I didn't even realize how she did it but she was sitting suddenly.  
Her face twisted in pain immediately. She was suffering from that agony...  
Montparnasse pushed her down gently.

"Easy now. You're hurt," he whispered. Another soft moan escaped her lips.  
He placed her down, stroking her cheek gently.

My baby... My small Eponine... What's happening to you? Why are you suffering so much? What's become of you?

"What are you doing here?" she asked me through her clenched teeth.

"I... I came here to see you..." I said. I was left speechless. I wanted to say so much to her, yet no words escaped my mouth.

"Why now?" she asked.

My head lowered down. What brought me here? Was it last scrap of mother's instinct which didn't leave me?

"I'm sorry Eponine... I really am," I said.

The awkward conversation was broken by the sound of opening the door.  
But the more awkward situation came.  
There, in the doorway were standing my younger kids. Azelma and Gavroche. And some man was standing behind them.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Three days. Three days passed since that crash which ruined everything. Doctors may say it's getting better but if she won't wake up, what are their words for?

I looked at Gavroche and Azelma. They were following me, their schoolbags on their backs

"Do you think she's awake?" Gavroche asked with his innocent voice. I looked at Azelma. Her head was lowered. It seemed as she didn't want to destroy her brother's illusions.

"I don't know Gavroche. I'm sorry," I sighed silently.

Door appeared in front of us. Door with the number which is written in our heads.

24601

I slowly opened the door, letting two siblings in. I took a deep breath and walked in too.

She was here.  
Where else she would go?  
Her face was peaceful, her long auburn hair were lying on the white hospital bed. She was in white hospital shirt stained with some blood of hers.  
She was pale, like all the time. Her lips were almost white. If I would touch her, her skin would be like an ice surely.  
My wounds in comparison with hers wasn't even wounds. Few bruises and scratches. That's what I've got.

My eyes widened as I realized two others persons in room and Eponine awake. Azelma and Gavroche were shocked as well. Azelma's look changed suddenly.

"No...," a whisper left her lips.

"Azelma..." the woman started but she was cut off.

"No, you can't! You can't just march here those years!" Azelma's voice was filled with pure anger.

"Azelma please..."

"Where were you all the time? Where were you when we needed you?!" Azelma snapped. I came to her side looking at her. She gave me a warning look, which told me I shouldn't bring myself in.

"I'm sorry..."

"Sorry won't bring those years back!"

I was lost. It seemed that Azelma knows that woman. And the look on Gavroche's face told me the same. I walked to Gavorche, standing behind him.

"Azelma, I'm your mother!" the woman said sharply. Mother. Their mother. Their lost mother. Madame Thenárdier. It's getting clearer.

It was awkward to hear this family conversation. Conversation of broken family.

"Maybe you are our biological mother, but you've lost that title a long time ago. Eponine is more mother to us than you were ever. You left us... She never did," Azelma said silently, trying to hold her anger inside.

"That's enough," Eponine said. I silently walked to Montparnasse. Our looks met. He was... thanking me?  
I lowered my head, taking his place near Eponine.

"Can you... can all of you forgive me?" that was the last question I expected from Mme. Thenárdier. Was she trying to repair broken things?

"And why should we?" Azelma turned sharply. Eponine grabbed her hand.

"What?" Azelma turned to her again.

"Let's talk about it," Eponine said, looking into Azelma's eyes. Azelma's eyes softened when she looked at her sister.

"Okay."

Eponine was trying to sit, but without a success. Azelma put her hand on her sister's shoulder

"In private if you don't mind," Eponine added looking into her mother's and Montparnasse's then to my eyes, and then moving her look to Gavroche, smiling lightly.

"Sure," I said, taking Gavroche with me. His mother was following us to corridor. I closed the door then sitting next to Gavroche.

Silence.  
Again.

Madame Thenárdier was standing near. She was watching Gavroche.

"You grew up," she told him. Gavroche didn't respond.

"I'm sorry... I don't remember you completely," he said after a while.

Madame Thenárdier sighed.

"But can you... can you forgive me?"

Gavroche's big blue eyes find mine.

"It's your choice, "I whispered to him.

Gavroche was silent. Everything was silent.

"Maybe... maybe yes," he said after minutes of silence.

There wasn't any respond from his mother. Not a smile. Not a tear...

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Door closed and I looked up to Azelma. She came to my side slowly, sitting on bed.

"How do you feel?" she asked me.

"Weak,"I answered. There was no point in lying now. She nodded slowly.

"How long... am I here?" I asked. Her eyes turned away from me.

"Three days," was her answer.

Three days! How is this possible? I cannot... That is too much...

"I..." my voice faded.

She looked at me, putting her hand to me again.

"Don't worry about us Eponine. Rest."

"Azelma, give her chance," I skipped to the problem suddenly.

"Why Eponine? She left us! And she comes here, trying to excuse..."she answered standing up.

"Look Azelma, it's not easy. I understand that you don't feel anything towards her. I feel the same way. But try to give her another chance. If not to our mother, than to a human being... please..." I said to her.

I understand her completely. The woman who's standing behind the door isn't our mother. Not anymore. But I can't feel hate towards her. I just can't.

"Eponine..." she started but she didn't continue. My small sister. Maybe not small anymore. She's grown up.  
She turned to me, tears forming in her eyes.  
She sat back on the bed.

"I don't why it is so hard. I don't know," she said with broken voice.  
I closed my eyes, clenched my fists and sat slowly. Pain, which hit me was sharp but I tried  
to ignore it. I carefully hugged my younger sister.  
She buried her face into hospital shirt, her fingers wrapping around it, tears falling down.

"I'm sorry Eponine... I'm so sorry..." she whispered. I stroked her hair gently.

"It's alright Azelma. It's fine..." I said silently.

Her head lifted up, revealing her scared eyes.

"Don't worry. It'll be fine," I whispered silently, my hands placing on her shoulders. But will it really be fine?

"Thank you," she said silently. I looked at her.

"You'll make it Azelma. I know you," I smiled at her lightly.

She didn't respond, but her warm hands pushed me down.

"I'm glad you woke," she said.

We were silent, just looking at each other.  
Maybe the silence was best thing for us now.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**  
Another chapter.  
I'm busy now, so I don't know how many chapters there would be at week. I'll try...  
Thanks to all readers. Thanks to reviewers, followers, and to those who favored this.  
Sorry for my English.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

In that rush I didn't even realize the most important thing. She's alive! She's living! Her beautiful brown eyes have opened again. The life has given her another chance.

Gavroche was squeezing my hand tightly, his mother was still quiet. Montparnasse was standing next to us. The look he was giving to Mme. Thenárdier was full of anger and hate.

What did she do to make him hate her?

"How is she?" the voice of Mme. Thenárdier broke the silence.

I could feel that Montparnasse's fists clenched.

"It's not good," I answered. Last thing we needed here was an argument. She still didn't won. She should be resting, not solving family problems.

"But why? Why did he choose you two?" she asked turning her face away from me.  
Montparnasse sighed from behind us. I turned to see his face.

"He wanted a revenge. I don't think you know how he ended up in jail... He beat her. He beat her almost to death. Police arrested him and he was sent to court. She witnessed. Against him. And he was sent to jail for twenty five years. This happened when she was barely sixteen. And after this she and her siblings may got the chance to live normal lives if you would be here. But you weren't. Do you want to know what happened after?"

Montparnasse's voice was trembling in anger. I think that now, I understand why he hates her so much. He was Eponine's friend. Friend who saw the worst things of her life. He was there when their mother left them probably. He was growing with Eponine and her siblings...  
He didn't want for response, he continued, his voice raising.

"She was struggling through the life with two siblings. She get flat illegally. She threw school away, so she was able to work. Work only for getting money! In sixteen! And now she..." he was cut off by Azelma who opened the door. Everyone was silent.

Azelma's head lifted up.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to her mother, walking to me and Gavroche.  
Eyes of Mme. Thenárdier widened, her lips trembled slightly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't thank me. She's expecting you," Azelma said, looking down on her feet.

Mme. Thenárdier nodded but she hesitated before she entered the room. And the door closed again.

"Azelma?" Gavroche started sitting to his sister.

"Yes Gav?"

"Is Eponine alright?" he asked.

Azelma's head lifted, small smile appearing on her lips.

"Don't worry. She's weak now, but she'll make it somehow. She's Eponine," she smiled at her brother but that smile was sad.  
Gavroche hugged his sister.

"You'll see her in few minutes," Azelma added after a while.

"She just need to talk to mother about... some things."

I sighed.  
Montparnasse was walking around, looking at some paintings on walls. From what I could say he's upset.  
And I worry about Eponine too. Maybe the price for the proper treatment is paid. But is it enough?

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Three days... Three days in coma... They were scared for sure. What the hell happened? Why is my head so empty?  
_Crash._  
_A loud crash._  
No...  
_The face..._  
No...  
_Blood... My own blood..._  
_Sharp pain._  
_Montparnasse._  
_Something white above me..._  
_Nothning._  
_Darkness._  
My breathing fastened as memories were coming. I should've been more careful... This wasn't supposed to happen. Where's my father now? Where did he run?

I was ripped from my thoughts suddenly. But was it a good thing?

She walked in. Seeing her again felt somehow strange. She was a stranger to me. As I said, she wasn't our mother anymore.  
She didn't change much. She looked older but I would recognize her anywhere. She was observing me as well.

"Eponine..." she started.

"Mother, look. It's hard for everyone now. Don't expect them to forgive you quickly. Don't expect it from me either. It was eight years. We need some time. You can't expect that we'll forgive you immediately," I said. Maybe it hurt her but it has to be said.

"Eponine, say the truth now. Are you leukemia positive?" she asked me.

Why is she bringing this up? Why? Isn't enough the fact I've almost died?

"I am," I whispered silently.

Why does she want to find out?  
Her head lowered. Like she's lost the hope.

"I'm sorry Eponine. I didn't know what you've been through," she said, her head lowered.

I leaned against the wall. Maybe this would be harder than I've expected. My past is something I'm not proud of. Something I would rather forget. But it's not possible... Not for me. Not when your past is coming to see you again like this, reminding you of it.

"You shouldn't find out," I whispered.

She came closer to me hesitantly.

"If I would know..." she started but I shook my head immediately.

"Don't think about what would be if... It's good for nothing," I whispered.  
She looked at me carefully.

"I'm sorry Eponine."

I sighed. She's already said it before. There's no need to repeat it.

"Are you staying or are you leaving?" I asked.

She looked quite torn.

"Eponine, you know it's hard..."

"Just say it," I said closing my eyes. I felt really tired. Maybe it was consequence of my state, maybe I'm just tired of this conversations and emotions.

"I don't know Eponine. I don't know yet," she said.

So she's really torn. What is holding her? No... I don't want to find out...

"Then give us some time. Maybe we'll be able to forgive you," I said.

She nodded and she came even closer to me, taking my hand.

"Thank you Eponine," she whispered and with that she left the room.

I buried my face into my hands. It wasn't as I've imagined it. But reality is always different than dreams. Than imaginations.  
I should have known it already.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Her mother left us behind without a word.

"Do you think we can enter?" Gavroche asked impatiently.

"Shouldn't we call a doctor?" Azelma asked.

"Doctors can wait," I said, taking Gavroche to see his sister.

When we entered, she was sitting against the wall, her eyes closed. As we entered her eyes opened drowsily, small smile appearing. She really needed some sleep even when she was in coma for three days.

Gavroche immediately came to her, jumping on bed carefully, hugging her. Silent groan escaped her lips but she embraced her little brother too.

"I've missed you," he said silently. She smiled at him, breaking the embrace.

"I've missed you too," she said, taking Gavroche's small hands into hers.

"Are you going to be all right?" he asked.

"I don't know Gav. We'll see," smile on her face faded slowly.

Gavroche jumped down from the hospital bed, walking to Azelma, allowing me and Montparnasse to come closer.

"Montparnasse..." she started.

"I'll came later. Our conversation can wait. Family is more important," he said to her.

She nodded her eyes trying to hide something.

Montparnasse smiled at her and he left. It was the first time I've seen him smile.

I looked at her, our eyes meeting.  
I didn't hold my emotions inside anymore. I came to her, hugging her tightly. She gasped but I didn't release her from my embrace. I could feel her arms wrapping around me too.

"You've scared me,"I whispered to her. She didn't respond to me. There wasn't the need for.

My lips brushed her cold skin slowly, finding her own lips. I kissed her gently, closing my eyes, my hand burying into her hair. She kissed me back,her cold fingers touching my cheek. She exhaled and I kissed her again, more passionately.

"Hey! There are children you know?!" Azelma shouted at us.

I immediately pulled myself away, blushing as never before.

Eponine just smiled at her siblings.

"We're joking. If you want to eat each other, then tell us. We'll give you some privacy," Gavroche laughed, grinning at me.

"If I would be in better state, both of you..."

Eponine was cut off by Azelma.

"But you aren't."

I was looking at them, expecting Eponine's reaction. The mentioning of her state could bring some memories to her...  
She was silent at first but then she smiled.

"Once I will get better..." she said in her normal voice but I could hear something strange in it.  
Maybe Azelma shouldn't say it.

"You will," I said, squeezing her hand. Her brows lifted a little.

"What do you mean?" she asked me.

Her look was observing me. And then her eyes widened.

"You didn't..." she started.

"But that's exactly what I did," I said to her. Her look was somehow painful. Why? That's a mystery for me.

"Stop it!" Gavroche said suddenly.  
We both turned to him, watching him.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"When you two are together everything around gets wrong! You eat each other. You communicate in some strange phrases you seem to understand but no one other does," he said.

Our looks met questioning each other. What was Gavroche trying to say?

"He means, that you two are like... supersweet together. Look, Enjolras didn't say anything and yet you Eponine, you understand exactly what he wanted to say. And it's working between you somehow! So try to talk clearly in front of us because we really don't understand a thing," Azelma tried to explain us.

We looked at each other again. Supersweet? Where did she find this word? Is it even a word?

"Enjolras actually said that he paid for everything," Eponine said, giving me a look, which told me she will talk about it later with me.  
The looks on Gavroche's and Azelma's faces changed suddenly.

"What? Like really?" Gavroche asked.

I nodded and I found myself in hug from both of the siblings.

"Thank you," they said.

"It's alright with me," I said. Eponine's look found me again, saying exactly ,what it said before.  
They finally broke their tight embrace and took a few steps back.

"So, let's Eponine rest now. You have homeworks," I said, when I saw Eponine's eyes falling down in exhaustion.  
Her eyes opened when she heard my voice. She was slowly lying down, her face twisted in pain.

"Let me help," I said, helping her down. She smiled at me through her clenched teeth.

"Don't move too much okay?" I said, taking her siblings out.  
Just before I closed the door she murmured something but I didn't hear her. Just after this she fell asleep.

"You've really paid for everything?" Azelma asked.

"Yes."

"Well, we've seen you but I would never believe you did it," she sighed.

"She isn't pleased with it," I sighed too.

"It's not that she isn't thankful to you. You know how she hates when she's pitied."

We walked out from hospital.

"I know. Let's go now," I said.

She woke. Maybe small thing but with the meaning of the universe. Now, let's hope she'll live. That she won't die... That she will live her life like a normal person again.  
But that's a speculation about future. And reality is always different form dreams.  
It always was.

* * *

**A/N**  
I have a small amount of time now... Lots of tests in school so...  
In my native language: Držte mi palce!  
Translation: Hold thumbs for me!  
It sounds strange in English... Just wish me a good luck :D


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**  
Another chapter.  
Thank you for reading. Thanks to all reviewers, followers, to those who favored this.  
Sorry for my English.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Days were passing fast. Concept of time has changed. I started to realize their visits were regular. I even knew when they would come.  
I was weak. Weaker than ever. Crash took a lot of my strength away but It's getting better. I hope it's getting better.  
My tired, broken, shattered soul was probably trying to bring the pieces together. But it's not that strong to make it happen in second. This will take a long time. And it would be never like before. Maybe it is better... Maybe not...

He came to me, breaking the small pieces to even smaller... Only to bring them together again.  
He gave me a new breath... A drink to my thirsty heart.  
He gave me a reason to hope. To live the life other way.

"Eponine are you really alright? You seem too pale to me," the high voice of Cosette ripped me from my thoughts. I almost forgot she was there.

"Don't worry about me Cosette. I'm pale because I'm weak. That's normal in my state," I smiled at her.

"What happened to you?" she asked me, her brows lifting up.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you actually smiled. How it is possible?" she smiled at me too. She's a good friend. Maybe worried more than she should be but good friend anyway.

I fell silent. Why am I smiling suddenly?  
He made it so ... again.

"Let's say I see the world in another way..." I said. It's true probably...

"When is your wedding day?" I asked her.

She looked at me surprisingly.

"How did you..." she started but I laughed lightly.

"Cosette, don't think that just because I'm closed here I don't know what's happening outside. I have my sources of information."

"Oh," she said, blushing.

"So, when is the wedding day?" I asked her again.

"Well, we plan it in next month. I'm so excited... You know, wedding..." she sighed dreamily.  
I closed my eyes for a few seconds.

I didn't even think about getting married before... Well, now it's too late... I'm going to die probably... Some medicine won't stop this...

But maybe it's better to die not married. Your husband won't grieve you because he wouldn't have his wife in first place. Only friends would mourn you...

"Eponine? Eponine are you here?" her high soprano echoed through my head.

"Huh?" my eyes opened, meeting hers.

"Were you listening?" she asked me, probably knowing the answer already.

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. What was it?"

"Maybe I should let you rest... Your state is so poor... But anyway... Would you like to come?" she asked.

Come to wedding of my two friends... Seeing their love... Seeing them happy...  
Maybe it would be too much...

"I... I would like to," I said.

Was this right thing to be said? I'm still weak and after the crash, doctors won't let me go anywhere...

"That's great Eppy! If you wouldn't feel well it's alright. We will understand,"she smiled at me.

"Well, best time to let you sleep now. See you later then!" she said as she was getting her coat from chair.

"Bye," I whispered.

Maybe I seem like tired but I don't think it's best time for sleep. Maybe later...  
It was almost half past two... They should be here in few minutes...  
I can't fall asleep now.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

"Azelma, do you think it's good idea?"

"Enjolras, how much times are you going to ask me this? I said to you,in my opinion, it is," Azelma sighed as we were walking through the hospital, a few Amis behind us.

"But how will she react?"

"Enjolras! I said to you that I don't know!" she rolled her eyes.

"But..."

"Don't even try to ask anything else," she said in desperation.

"What are you two talking about?" Courfeyrac asked from behind us.

"Nothing important,"I said earlier than Azelma reacted.

"So it is important," Gavroche grinned at me.

"I won't tell you a word," I said.

I wanted to mentally slap myself. Maybe in reality too. Gavroche was only trying to get the answer from me...  
And I've given him the answer by answering the way I answered...

"C'mon Enjy! What is the secret you want to hide? You should've known us. Now, we will be torturing you, till you won't tell us," Grantaire grinned at me. He was drinking. I could saw it in his eyes.

"Grantaire really... You weren't drinking before. What happened?" I changed the topic. I couldn't tell them what's going on. Not now.

"I have the right to drink!" he said.

"Okay but you didn't miss it before did you?"

"Of course I did. But Eponine needed someone sober, not a drunkard to talk to. But she's got you now," he laughed kicking into door of the hospital room.

"Grantaire stop it. What if she's asleep?" Joly said.

Grantaire walked in.

"You see? She's awake," he said.

"Good day to you as well Grantaire,"she greeted the drunkard with light smile.

"You know what happened?" Grantaire asked her, coming closer to her.

"You are obviously drunk so... You were drinking," she stated almost immediately.

"Bingo!" he said sitting on chair.

"Hi boys," she said. Azelma coughed lightly, giving her sister strange look.

"And a girl," Eponine corrected herself, looking at us.

"What's new with you?" Courf smiled at her.

"There's so much of things... Dust moved actually... " she said.

"Eponine seriously... What happened to you? You're sarcastic... You're smiling, laughing..." Jehan asked her.

"Do you want dead Epoine again?" she asked him.

"No... You see? That's exactly what I'm talking about!" he said desperately.

"What's new out of the hospital?" she changed the topic.

"Not much things... Politics argued about everything and nothing... Someone bought the new shopping center... Nothing interesting..."Joly sighed.

I was observing her.

Something's changed. Her eyes have changed... The spark which disappeared was here again... Maybe weaker... But it was here for sure.

I was sitting all the time they were talking. I didn't even listen. I just watched as the time was floating. It was ten minutes at first. Than half an hour... I suddenly brought myself back to reality, seeing that Amis are exiting the room. Gavroche followed them.  
Azelma gave me a look and light smile. Well, she smiled at me... Maybe I am forgiven now...  
Door closed leaving us alone.

Her look was watching me, trying to break through the walls of my mind.  
I came to her side.

"So, you've paid for the treatment and chemotherapy," she stated. This was the first time since the crash we were alone.

"I cannot watch you suffering and dying when you can live," I said, looking into her mesmerizing brown eyes.

"But it costs too much..."

"Not as much as the life costs," I cut her off. She just sighed, closing her eyes.

"Your father won't be pleased," she said.

"I don't care about my father. I care about you," I said, my fingers wrapping around her hand.

I don't care about what my father thinks about this. I don't care. He never cared for anything else than work. Maybe he wants me to marry some high class girl but I don't want to. The few I've met were same... Mode, fashion, good looks...

"You've changed," she whispered, the grip of her hand tightened around mine. Her eyes reminded closed.

"You too," I answered.

Her eyes opened as she sighed.

"I had to," was her respond. Sure she had to... The emotions were too hard to handle probably... Maybe the best thing she could do was to change...

I leaned over her, hugging her tightly. I could feel the light trembling of her cold body. Why is she so cold always? Absorbing the warmth of my own body... Sending chills over my back...

She placed her head on my shoulder.

"It will be alright," I whispered.

"You know what? I was waiting for miracles to come... and maybe they have," she said. I somehow knew she was smiling at the moment.

I gently lifted her head up, to see her eyes.

"You're beautiful," I whispered as I leaned closer. Just before our lips met I stopped, exhaling.

"May I?" what a stupid question...

"Well, no kids around so..."

I didn't wait anymore. I pushed her body closer to mine, bringing our lips together. I wanted to hear the beating of her heart. To feel her body on mine. To absorb the coolness by my warmth. To hear the singing in her veins, the blood rushing through her body...  
She returned the kiss, more softly, more weakly. But with more emotion I could ever create. It was so tender... like she was afraid that she would hurt me... Her cold hand found my cheek, her lips didn't leaving mine.  
I pulled myself away, to let her catch her breath, stroking her own cheek gently.  
Her look was strange... Like she didn't want to end it so quickly.

"Eponine?" I started, taking a deep breath.

"Yes?"

"May I... ask you a question?" I said.

"You've already asked me a question," she grinned at me.

"So can I ask another..." I was really about to slap myself.  
She looked at my eyes, smile didn't leaving her lips.

"You know that I can say you've already asked another question? Okay, what's going on?" she said.

I was thankful that she wasn't joking anymore.

I knelt in front of her.

"Eponine Thenárdier, will you marry me?"

As soon as the words left my lips, the weight of something, which was somehow inside me disappeared.

Her eyes widened as she saw small ring in my hand.

And then silence. Complete silence.

"Enjolras... I..." her eyes filled with tears, her look full of desperation. Why?  
I stood up slowly, sitting to her, looking exactly into her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, carefully placing my hand on her back.

She shook her head, more tears running down her face.

"Eponine, please, tell me..."

"Don't do this Enjolras. Go, find yourself a decent woman not someone like me. I'm dying..."

"Not anymore."

Her broken look found me again.

"Enjolras it's not sure that I'm going to be alright after this. Do you really want to marry me even if you know I'm going to die probably?" she asked me.

I wiped the tears away from her face.

"I don't care Eponine. I never felt like this about anyone else. You're my hope, my inspiration, my life! I won't love anybody else..." I said.

"Enjolras, if I would die, what would you do? Are you ready for the consequences? Are you ready to handle my death?"

She isn't even caring about her feelings! She's caring about my feelings...  
What would I do if she would really die?  
Life without her isn't life anymore...  
Am I ready for the consequences?  
For what consequences?  
Am I ready to handle her death?  
Am I?  
I closed my eyes. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to feel love. She deserves the things I can't give to her.

"Maybe I am not. But there's one thing I'm certain about. I want you to be my wife. I don't care about anybody else. I want you to be happy," I said to her.

She broke. Like emotionally.

She just fell to my arms, trembling.

I embraced her, letting her tears to fall, letting her fears to fade. And she was here, trembling in my arms, trying to hold her emotions inside.

"Then yes," she whispered.

"What?" I asked her gently.

"I will marry you,"she said, burying her face to my shirt.

My hand slowly found hers, putting the ring on her finger.

Life has given us a chance after all.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**  
_  
_Another chapter, shorter but important.  
Thanks for reading. Really big thanks for reviwing!  
Sorry for my English.  
Reviews are welcome. Also, they make me happy.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV  
**It seems like life has given us a chance... Well, but what chance?

"I'm_ sorry to tell you this Enjolras, but her mental state got worse. Did you tell her something which could upset her?"_

_"Her state is unstable..."_

_"Be careful around her now, she is acting differently..."_

_"Her mods can change in seconds..."_

That was it. The consequences.

_ "Are you ready for the consequences?"_

Maybe I shouldn't asked her about the wedding so early. I should've wait...It broke her... Now... She's understanding everything in other way... Now she is more sensitive... Now she is... mentally broken Eponine.

One sentence... This all happened because of one sentence which left my mouth.

_Will you marry me?_

I was warned that she is weak and fragile... And I did something which must have moved her... Changed her... Changed her mind.

* * *

"Do you know, where I could find her?"

Sister nodded slightly. I was trying to find Eponine, but she wasn't in the hospital room. She was replaced to her room in cancer section again. Well, it was almost two weeks after the incident and her state was better.  
She wasn't in library either. Where else she could be?

"I think I saw her walking to chapel. Try it," sister said with light smile on her lips, leaving me behind to check on some patient.  
Chapel? I wouldn't say Eponine is a religious person. But I walked to chapel anyway.

It was rather small. Small and empty. Only one dark shadow was visible. One dark shadow sitting in the corner.  
I came to her side, sitting to her.  
The corner of her lips lifted up in smile as I sat down. Her eyes found mine and we were just watching each other.

"I didn't think you're religious," I whispered.

She stood up carefully, her hand immediately touching the stab wound. I jumped to her, supporting her.

"Does it hurt?"

She smiled at me, taking a step forward.

"A little," came a weak response from her. I slowly removed my hands from her body, letting her go on her own but holding her hand tightly.

We walked out from the chapel, to empty corridor.

"Where are we going?" I asked her. She just shrugged.

"I don't know. I can show you the hospital around," she said after a while.

"Are you feeling well enough for that?" I asked her.

"Enjolras, it's almost two weeks. I'm not so weak anymore. I would say, I'm in the state I was before,"she said to me, her eyes closed for a few seconds. Maybe memories haunted her again.

"Okay then," I said. If it will make her happy...

Her head lifted up and she nodded slower than normally. She was thinking about something for sure.

"Follow me," she said simply. She was walking before me, her look on the floor below her.

We were walking through the cancer section.  
She stopped in front of one opened door suddenly, looking into room. Soon tears were forming in her eyes.  
She shook her head, her look leaving the scene in front of her. She walked away. As I was walking past the door, I saw a doctor, covering someone with a white sheet.  
Someone dead.  
My look immediately found Eponine, who was walking away.  
I walked to her, watching her.

"She was a good girl. She doesn't deserve this. She was so young... She has a right to live..." she spoke suddenly, leaving me quite lost. But it made a sense after a few seconds.

I carefully placed my hand on her back.

"Can you imagine me on her place? Maybe I will end like this once," she whispered, single tear running down her cheek. I embraced her small frame.

"You will live Eponine. You will live," I whispered to her, calming her. She broke the embrace, walking away slowly.

"Eponine, are you alright?" I asked her. She stopped, turned to me and just watched me. Then her face turned away from me.

"Yes... porbably yes," she whispered.

I walked to her, my hands placing on her shoulders. Her look was full of sorrow and sadness.

"Did you know the girl?"

She looked at me and then nodded slowly. What was wrong with her?

"Look, Eponine. Everyone dies," I said.

"But she was so young... An orphan... Life was hard to her..." whispers left her mouth.

She turned again and I was following her.

I watched as a small smile appeared on her lips. She was watching a man and woman. And there was a boy in white hospital shirt sitting beside them, smiling. Eponine leaned against the wall, watching the family scene in front of her.

"His name's Michael. He came here maybe two weeks after me. Good boy. He's going to be alright. All of us hope that he'll be alright," she said to me, still watching the scene in front of her.

The boy, Michael laughed at the joke of his father. Mother's eyes found Eponine and she smiled at her. I could saw Eponine's smile back. She knows her probably.  
Eponine turned to see me, smile didn't leave her lips.

"Eponine?" I started. She walked to my side, her fingers finding my hand.

"Yes?" she asked me.

I sighed, looking down. She seemed even more vulnerable when her state worsened. When her mentality changed.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. She looked at me with her broken look.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

At this my eyes lifted to hers.

"For what Eponine? You didn't do anything wrong," I told her.

Her eyes closed, lips trembled slightly.

"I've read those papers... I'm sorry for my state... I should have been more stronger... I'm sorry for who I am."

As her eyes opened I almost didn't recognize her. They were... desperate. Desperately empty.  
I hugged her tightly.

"Don't you dare to blame yourself for this. For who you are... It was my fault," I said, tears forming in my eyes. They were falling on the back of shirt she wore.

"Enjolras, do you still love me?"

"What do you mean?" I backed, holding her arms tightly.

"Do you still love me?" she repeated the question.

I was silent.

"Of course I do," I said.

"Enjolras, say the truth to me. Do you still want to stay with me?Do you still want to marry me? This damned life form? Isn't it only a pity towards me which is holding you? Pity towards my state? Do you love me after everything I've done?"

Her questions were racing through my head. What is she talking about? Of course I love her... or... is it really just pity? I want to stay with her... But do I love her? I...

"Enjolras..." she whispered.

Day ago I was ready to give my life for hers... What's happening with me?

With one look into her eyes she broke my heart. I turned around. I didn't look at her. I was walking away. Leaving her behind. I have to find out... Do I really love her?

She was standing still, but I didn't look at her.  
I left her. It was too late to say something now. Too late to hear her whisper.

"So it was pity after all."

* * *

I was walking past the streets, ignoring the world around me. Do I love her? What has changed everything? Is it the fact she isn't the same anymore? I have feelings for her... Is it love? How can I doubt my love towards her? I love her! Or do I not?

Strong grip on my arm made me stop. I was looking at almost dark eyes of Montparnasse.

"What's wrong with you? You're like a ghost," he said with his cold voice. Her mother was standing behind him. Both of them disappeared for a few days, not telling anything to anyone.

"Where were you?" I asked instead of answering.

"I had to cut... some of the contacts. To free myself from the past. Montparnasse helped me," Mme. Thenárdier said.  
Strange... He was killing her earlier... Now helping her.

"How is she by the way? We are going to see her" Montparnasse asked.

I sighed.

"Her mental state got bad. She's more sensitive... One word or action can broke her... No...What have I done?!" I turned immediately, ready to run. Montparnasse caught me again.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked.

"There's no time to explain! She's in danger!" I said. His eyes widened and he nodded.

"Let's run then," he said.

And we were running. I just hope it isn't too late.

Rain started to pour from big gray clouds.

Even the weather is telling that something bad is going to happen.

Or has happened already.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**  
Another chapter.  
Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, favoring...  
It's good to see that people are still reading this.  
Sorry for my English.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Dislcaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**  
I almost kicked the door of the room out in the rush. After all, she was in real danger.  
She was nowhere to see.  
The empty white room with only her coat hanging on the wall.  
But there was a letter. She placed it in the middle of her bed, visible to anyone.  
A letter with my name written on it.  
My skin touched the paper, my trembling fingers trying to open it.

_Dear Enjolras,_  
_I'm sorry for everything. Now, when I know it is only pitty you feel towards me, there is nothing left for me. Please, take your money from chemotherapy you've paid. It is not needed anymore._  
_Enjolras, in this letter I want y__ou to know and to say you the three words: I love you...  
Because I do.  
__Say to Azelma and Gavroche that I'm sorry...  
__Say to Montparnasse he's forgiven.  
__Say to my mother the same.  
__Try to forgive me Enjolras.  
__You know, I've always wanted to fly...__  
_

_Eponine_

"Roof," I shouted and was ready to walk out of the room. Run would fit the action it better.

"Would you explain us something?" Montparnasse grabbed my wrist tightly. I sighed. It's about seconds now. One second less and who knows how she would end.

"Just follow me! Miss, please go and find doctor Valjean. Then lead him to the roof. It's urgent," I said and Montparnasse released my wrist, ready to follow me.

I opened the door sharply, almost knocking Marius out. He looked at us, his brows lifting up in surprise.

"No time to explain. It's urgent," I said sooner than he opened his mouth. I didn't even look back at him, it was a waste of a precious time.  
The road to roof seemed like eternity, in reality it was less than a minute.  
I opened the door, rain pouring down on us.

"Eponine!"I shouted as I saw a blur figure standing on the bottom of the roof.

**Eponine's POV**

_Life._

_What does it means for you?_  
_Is it precious? Or is it just a usual daily thing?_  
_I tell you, you don't know the prize of life until you're loosing it._  
_How do I know it?_

I'm going to die.

**Enjolras' POV**

She didn't move. She didn't react. I was running to her as fast as I could. She turned to me.

"Stop!" she shouted.

I slowed down but it was Montparnasse who stopped me.

"Don't you try to take one step closer," she almost whispered. Her breathing was fast and heavy, her chest rising and falling in unsteady intervals. She was soaked at all but she didn't mind that.

"Eponine please, I love you! Please, don't do this!" I shouted, trying to get out from Montparnasse's grip.

"Don't move," he spatted and his grip tightened. I sighed in desperation.

She can jump from the roof in any second! Doesn't he understand?

"Enjolras stop! Stop pitting me finally! Why did you even come?! To bring me some hope? And why did you take it away from me? Answer me! Why?"

Even in the rain, the tears which were running down her face were visible.

Thunder echoed from far.

The storm is coming.

"Because I am capable only of hurting you! Eponine please, don't do this!" I called after her.

Montparnasse was still deceived to not let me go.

"There is nothing left for me now. Not a scrap of hope. Not a beam of sun. I don't deserve it..." she said.

"Eponine!"

"Shut up Enjolras! I don't want to hear you... I can't..." her voice faded away slowly.

"Just take one step at the time! You're broken Eponine! But you can save yourself! Just take that step at the time!"

"Shut up!"

Another thunder echoed, the power of rain was growing second by second.

"Eponine!"

Her mother run to her side. Valjean was beside us already.

"Don't go near me! Don't you dare to come!" Eponine's mad shouts were filling the tensive atmosphere here.

"Where were you? Why weren't you coming?" Eponine whispered.

Mme. Thenárdier stopped herself immediately. She was looking into her daughter's face, tears forming in her eyes.

"Eponine, breathe. Just breathe," Valjean said, watching his patient.

"It won't help me doctor. I'm sorry about this. I was waiting for miracles to come... I thought they have come... But they were nightmares instead!"

"Eponine, don't throw everything away! Don't loose everything just because your brain is telling you so! Look with your heart! " Marius took one step forward looking into her eyes.

She hesitated for a moment but then she shook her head.

"I have nothing to loose," she whispered.

"What about Gavroche? What about Azelma? What about Amis? What about your friends? What about me?" Marius continued.

Her look changed suddenly.

"How dare you Marius! How dare you tell me this?! I've loved you long time before Cosette came. But you were too blind to see it weren't you?! Well, maybe it's better this way... But don't you dare to tell me what to do!" she screamed and she turned around.

"You loved me?" Marius whispered.

I stretched my hand to her, trying to get rid of Montparnasse.

"Eponine no!"

"She won't jump," Mme. Thenárdier said coolly.

I could see Eponine froze when she heard the tone of her mother's voice.

"She's too weak for doing it. She will never be able to do it," Mme. Thenárdier continued. We were looking at her, seeing, that she's only pretending. That she doesn't mean anything she said.

Eponine was standing here, breathing heavily. She was shivering from cold rain.

"You have truth..." she whispered as she turned to us.

We exhaled slowly. But as we found out a second later, we've overreacted.

"But there's always some back plan."

Eponine's hand reached into the pocket of the shirt, pulling the gun from it, aiming to her head.

"No!" I shouted but Montparnasse's hand covered my mouth. I met his cold look.

He threw me to Valjean who grabbed me by my arms, not letting me go. I wasn't defying anymore. I was just looking at the situation.

Montparnasse took one step closer to her. He was slow and careful.

"Give me the gun, Eponine," he started.

She shook her head, her finger moved on the trigger.

Montparnasse stopped.

"I know how you feel Eponine..."

"You know nothing!" she said desperately.

"I'm sorry Montparnasse... I'm not able to love you. Not after that..." she whispered, her look moving onto ground.

Montparnasse moved closer.

"I understand Eponine... I know, that I've crossed the limits... And you were so kind to allow me to be your friend at least... Eponine please, I don't know what would I do without you."

"You would find yourself a proper wife and have a beautiful child," she said.

"And what about you Eponine? Don't you want a child?" he asked her. If he would stretch his hand now, he would be able to touch her.

"With my leukemia? With my mentality like this? I would be a horrible mother," she cried.

She fell on her knees, the gun still aiming on her head.

"You are wonderfull mother to Gavroche and 'Zelma. You will be a good mother once," Montparnasse knelt too, to bring himself on the same line as Eponine was.

Her look lifted to him.

"A dead mother? That isn't good at all," she whispered.

"Give me the gun, Eponine," he said gently to her.

And silence.  
It seemed like time has lost its concept.  
I immediately started to run, Valjean was too slow to react.  
She didn't realize me.

Her arm trembled and she started to put the gun down.

**Eponine's POV**

I'm going to murder. To murder myself. Why? I don't even know properly... It just feels right.  
It feels right to cut of my past... my present and future.

_Once I was a causal girl._

Now I'm dying on leukemia. I'm dying because of my stupid brain... I'm dying... because that's exactly what I was doing my entire life. We aren't living... We're dying.  
Maybe this fact hit me too late... But it hit me at least.  
Why should I take the gun away? It's the only way out of my prison.

_How much time remains me?_  
Few seconds? Minutes?  
Not much but enough for someone like me.

_My name is Eponine. Eponine Thenárdier._ And I'm becoming a murderer. A murderer of my own.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**  
So, I'm awfully sorry for the long waiting. Really, thank you for patience with me.  
Thanks to readers, reviewers, followers and to those who favored this.  
I'm sorry for my English in this chapter. This story has a Beta now, amazing PhantomFandom but I don't want you to wait any longer so I'm updating this without beta read.  
Reviews are welcome.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"Eponine Thenárdier! Stop right now!" a cold voice hit me. A voice which made me stop. The voice which ruined everything.

No...  
It can't be...  
It is not possible...

How can I die now, when this voice's forbidding it?! How can I disobey?

I closed my eyes tightly, leaving the world behind me. Staying frozen.

Who am I? Who really am I?

Murderer... I'm trying to murder myself. There's no need to remind me this fact. There's no need at all.  
Cold air is blowing to my wet face, even colder drops of rain are whipping it with sharp anger.

What have I done? Trying to destroy myself?

Why have I forgotten? Forgotten the beauty?

Why do I want to destroy their lives only because I can't hold on my own? Why do I want to become murderer?

I'm probably out of reach for them now... I shouldn't have done this... I know...  
It was my decision. My worst decision.

You know, I am still deceived to die. I have the will to end this stupid game into which life has threw me. I just don't have the courage to do so... I just can't look into their eyes knowing, that I want to end my life.

Born into this cruel world, only to find light and then to loose it. What's its purpose then?

That precious life which was burning inside me extinguished... disappeared. Only my body remains... and something which was called a soul before.  
I remember every fault I made, every mistake... but beauty became forgotten...  
Endless night in this maze from which I cannot find the way out... Maze which is worse than death itself.

My soul...so black and chilled. What happened to soul?

Here they are...Standing... Expecting... Hoping, praying...

On one side the lives of burning bodies, on the other side dark shadows of the death.  
Whispering...

About what? About my life my soul probably. About me absolutely.

On one side...

My mother... The one who gave me life. The one who left me alone. The one who returned. The one who's here now.

Doctor Valjean... The one who tried to bring some light into my darkness .The one who always cared about me. The one who was deceived to heal me. The one who's here now.

Montparnasse... The one who was my friend. The one who hurt me. The one who tried to help later. The one who betrayed me. The one who asked me for forgiveness. The one who's here now.

Marius... The one I fell in love with. The one I had to move over. The one I am a close friend with. The one who's here now.

And Enjolras...The one who gave me life... The one who left me alone. The one who returned.  
The one who tried to bring some light into my darkness. The one who always cared about me. The one who was deceived to heal me. The one who was my friend. The one who hurt me. The one who tried to help later. The one who betrayed me. The one who asked me for forgiveness. The one I fell in love with. The one I had to move over. The one I am a close friend with. The one who's here now.

Strange... He's combining the elements of the others. But he just has to be special, hasn't he?

But there are images of other people. They aren't here now. And it's better that way.

Azelma, Gavroche, Amis, Cosette... It's better they don't know. Only more worry would appear if the would be present.

But there, on this side is still someone.

A cold voice...  
A cold voice I don't want to hear again.

On the other side I could see two small shadows... And I recognized them. Immediately. It was a long time ago but the memory is sharp like it was never before.

Etienne and Henri. My small brothers. My small brothers who died and they weren't even born. Stupid abortion. But I recognized them. I knew it was them.

And now...

How can I found the way I've lost? Only by returning... The thing is... it's not that easy. It's not easy at all.  
Why should you return when you have something more easier in front of you? Why live the life when there's death which will rip all the pain away?

See what you've become Eponine! Look at your creation! Look at the monstrum you've created alongside with leukemia, fears and tears. See this walking death...

And they were staying with you, watching over your decision Eponine... trying to help you...

And you Eponine, you've followed your stupid decisions selfishly... They don't want you to die... They never did.  
They want to see your eyes again... To see you as real Eponine. Not the one who's ready to murder herself. They want back their mother, sister, friend... and something more than friend. Wake up finally!

I know!  
Why am I talking to myself again? Why am I having argument with myself? Shouldn't my heart be whole with only one point of view on things?  
It should probably... I am responsible for this again. I let my heart to fall... to break...

I won't let them suffer just because my weakness.

I'll find a way somehow... But which one to choose? Gun or more pain? Immediate death or the death which will follow later anyway?

Everything's just a dream... nightmare from which I can't wake up...

I was taking leave... I was taking flight... I was leaving the world behind...  
Or at least I've thought I was...  
But a cold voice appeared again.

"You're Thenárdier. You can't disobey!"

A rough hands grabbed my wrists, unwrapping my fingers, taking the gun, throwing me to ground.

Why is he deceived to stop me? He never cared...

"Maybe you are the most stupid person on Earth Eponine, but you're my daughter too. And I won't let you die. Do you understand?"

That voice... Voice of my father. How could he?

It's strange... The man who once gave me life and tried to kill me, is trying to save me now. How ironic.

"Do you understand?" he shouted, pulling me up sharply. My eyes opened, facing his own. His own eyes which were sober for once.  
He was watching me, holding the hospital shirt I wore in his fingers. He didn't change.

"Don't shout at her!" mother walked to him. He gave her one angry look and that was enough for her to fell silent again. Typical.

"There's always some back plan," I whispered looking into his eyes. Maybe he do not understand me not now. Maybe he won't understand. But maybe he will once.

There's always some back plan... and if it is not the Death, then I guess the Life reminds as option.

I'll live. Not because I do not wish to be death. But because all of my plans were ruined by Life. Well, that's exactly what Life was doing all my life.  
But I guess, when it gets so big effort to hold me in its cage it is worth to stay here. Even trapped. Maybe I'll be released once.

And till then... well, I'll give it a try. I'll show that stupid leukemia I can stood up and I can live the life like others do. I'll show my heart that I am not as week as I always seemed to be.

Maybe I am far away from redemption... But now, I am far away from damnation too.  
And that means I am staying on Earth for now.

And I'll show the world that leukemia can be broken. As many people before me be did. They broke leukemia. And they lived their happy lives.

The problem was inside me. The problem was here, hidden but uncovered now. And now, it's time to solve it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and I started to walk away.

Away from the cold rain, from my past, from all that pain. To my new life.

To my new life which won't be taken away from me by anyone. Anyone but Death. And I don't care if I'm gonna die today, tomorrow or the year later.  
I broke the barriers of my mind before. I can do it again.  
They deserve the Eponine they've known.  
And I'm going to be that Eponine.

Not for me but for them.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N **  
Another chapter.  
I am really, really sorry for the slow update. I don't have much time now. But holidays are coming next week so you can expect more chapters.  
Thank you for your patience, reading, reviewing, following, favoring... Really thanks.  
Again, not beta read.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV  
**  
"So, let's start. Eponine, do you still want to murder yourself?"

We were sitting on chairs, psychiatrist in front of us. Eponine was scared, though this was a third session she had. She was in new hospital shirt, her skin pale as always, lot of bruises covering her bold arms.

I would never tell that she would be so desperate that she would try to murder herself. And it's my mistake she's ended up like this. Torn between life and death, not completely sure about anything.

She had mental problems I knew about but none of them were so big as this one.

My hand reached for hers to calm her. Her cold fingers wrapped around my hand, her eyes avoiding mine. She was avoiding me from that day. And maybe I understand her.

I didn't shout at her. I didn't talk about anything from that day.

"As I said before, I'm ready to die in any time. But I'm going to live now," Eponine answered the question.

With each other word I felt worse and worse. How can she live, when she want to be death and alive at once?

Now she needs every help she can get. And even her parents understood it.  
Her mother didn't leave the walls of hospital for two days and her father left a letter. Letter she didn't read. She said that she would read it, when she's sure it won't do any harm.  
And I accept this.

Azelma and Gavroche don't know about anything. Everyone agreed and we've built up a lie which wasn't explaining anything. It just said that Eponine's state is worse.

"Okay Eponine. Why did you want to end your life?"

What's a purpose of this all? He's asking her the same questions, getting the same answers from her. She isn't changing. She isn't going to change like this. I wish I can help her more. More than some man who's playing on doctor, standing in front of me, remainding her of everything.

"You know why. There was nothing left for me ," she whispered and her grip around my hand tightened.

Nothing left... She had a lot of things here. Her family... Her friends... Why did she wanted to die for real? To end her pain? To end her fear? To end her life?

"Do you think you have nothing to loose?"

This question angered me. How can he ask her something like this? I know her. She's changed. She's not the Eponine from that night. Desperate and lost. Now she is only lost.

"No. I have a lots of things to keep," she whispered. "Now," she added after a few seconds of silence. Doctor wrote some notes to his papers, looking at her.

"So you had nothing to loose then?"

I could almost feel her destroyed soul to fell again. I looked into her sad brown eyes.  
This question was even worse than the one before.

"You can't just ask her the questions like this! Don't you see it's hurting her?" I stood up suddenly. Her grip tightened even more, trying to stop me.

"Who's doctor here Monsieur...?"

"My name isn't important. She's important and..."

"You're stepping into my session."

My eyes were watching him slowly.

"Why are you doing this to her? She doesn't need to tell you those things it's too presonal!"

"Where's your diplom, your certhipicate? I want to see with who I am talking! I've allowed you to stay here with her but I don't agree with this!"doctor snapped.

"That's enough!" a strong voice echoed from the door. Doctor Valjean was standing there his look full of disappoint.

"Jean, you know..."

"I know Klemens. Can you leave us alone for a minute?" Valjean said and he waited for psychiatrist to exit the room.

"Today's session ends."

Only now I saw Eponine with her hands on her ears, covering from the sounds of outside.

"Are you mad Enjolras?" Valjean sighed as he walked to Eponine removing her hands from her ears gently. She looked up to doctor's eyes, small smile appearing on her lips.

"You see Eponine. You're more beautiful when you're smiling."

This is the aproach I like more. She's stressed enough with her own thoughts. She doesn't need someone to remind her that day.

"Go now Eponine, rest," Valjean said and he walked her to door to sister who walked Eponine to room. Then he turned to me.

"You can't do this Enjolras. Dr. Klemens is very ambitious and he doesn't like when someone opposes him. Better be careful with him. What happened to you two when you were arguing in front of the poor child?" Valjean sighed again.

"I just don't like the way he tries to heal her. He's asking her the same questions and she answers the same answers. Nothing has changed with his help. She's more scared after this sessions," I defensed my actions. I met his understanding look.

"Try to listen to him. He knows what he's doing. He's best here. It isn't easy for you and exactly not for her. But he'll help her."

And with that he let me go.

Maybe he's right. But how can I look at her, knowing that it hurts her deep inside?

When I walked to the room, she was sleeping. She was sleeping almost all the time I was with her. I just sighed looking at her.  
Remembering.  
Dreaming.  
Hoping.

Thinking about our lives.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

I was half asleep half awake. I knew he was there even when my eyes were closed.

Why have they sent me here? Back to prison of my mind? Do they think I can't take any more?  
Maybe they are right. Maybe I won't take any other information.  
Door opened and though I wanted to open my eyes to see who's coming I couldn't. They were hard and it felt like they were stick together. As much as I tried they didn't open.

I could feel Enjolras. He stood up sharply turning to door.

"What do you want?" his voice echoed through my head.

And my eyes still didn't open, leaving me desperate for the picture which was behind my closed eyelids.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

"What do you want?"

He can't. Not now. Not now, when she needs silence.  
He smiled at me with his cold smile I hate so much. He always smiled like this. And it's always irritated me.

"Let's talk Enjolras," he said.

"You haven't talked to me properly in last two years. What do you want from me?" I responded in cold voice. I wanted him to know , that I'm not going to forgive him. He has no right to step into my life again. No right at all.

"Don't you talk to me like that."

He was standing there in expensive black suit. He was always like this. He didn't changed.  
I was silent, watching his movements. He walked into room, observing me. Then his look moved to Eponine. I don't need to describe the hate he was sending her. Hate I wanted to destroy. Hate I cannot change.

"Some of my sources told me, that you've left your previous job. And they added that it was because of her," he said pointing on sleeping Eponine.  
How dare he? This is my life. My life which he can't change.

"That isn't your concern."

"Of course it is. I've ever wanted the best for you."

Yes, the best for me...

"Most expensive schools in the city. Good clothes. This is what you've done! This is why I hate you so much! I've guessed you realized it... I've guessed, you've known. But you didn't change. You didn't change in any aspect... Dear father," I said sharply.  
He looked at me coldly.

And only now I've realized, that she's woken up.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"...Dear father."  
Father.  
My father? No, He won't call my father like this...  
Why is my mind so blured? Why can't I think properly? Think Eponine... You'll find out...

His father! It has to be his father.

My eyes opened, the sharp light making me to close them again.  
I could feel his hand taking mine.  
My eyes opened looking straight at him. First time after the incident...

He's changed, hasn't he?

In this white room which I know from A to Z the tensive silence has fallen between the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You don't have to," I responded weakly.

"Enjolras," the cold voice of the man interrupted us. His father.

He turned to him sharply.

"I've asked you already. What do you want?" his voice raised.

No, don't shout. Don't shout at yourselves... It is good for nothing... Please, don't shout...  
Why am I so scared suddenly. Last time I've met his father I wasn't scared.

"You'll come with me, marry the girl I've chosen you and forget about this little worm of streets."

Maybe it would be best for him. To leave me... To leave behind the pain, the tears, the memories. Best for him, worst for me. But he won't leave me. That's one thing I'm sure about. He won't let me go.

"No." he answered.

As I said. He won't let me go even if it would bring him more pain. Who am I to let him do this? Who? Isn't better the question what? Am I a human? Aren't I just a wreck?

Yes Dr. Klemens, you would be really pleased if you would hear me now, thinking about that thing again. About Death. But I said that I'm going to live now. Now. But for how long? How much time does it take to heal leukemia or this sickness to destroy you?

"No?"

"No."

No. I'll live. Stop thinking about the cold memories Eponine. Don't sink to the darkness of your soul anymore. You'll heal. You're gonna be alright...  
Talking to myself again? Maybe it does something good.

"Look at her Enjolras. She's a poor state of a living form. She'll die for sure. I know everything about her. She's nothing but a criminal."

Maybe it is. Maybe my state is poor. But I'll try at least.  
Maybe I will. Maybe I will die. Probably I am.  
Maybe I am criminal. But I did in only for others.  
Look.  
See.  
Decide.

"I don't care how does she looks like, or what her state is like because I'm responsible for this. And you don't know anything, anything about her." he said squeezing my hand, sending me a calming look.

Why is he doing this? What is still holding him? Does he feel guilty? He shouldn't. Does he feel worry? He shouldn't. Does he feel love? He shouldn't.  
But he does.

"Do you want to throw everything behind just because of some criminal? Do you know what has she done?"

"I am fully aware of that." he responded simply.  
"And still, you're standing with her. You're a shame Enjolras. I'm disappointed with you!"  
"Can't we argue somewhere else? As you said, her state is poor."

"Let her hear it! Let her hear that she's a con just like her father!"

His hand left mine as he stood up sharply.

"She is not a con. She's anything but her father."

"No? In sixteen, she had an illegal flat! She did some dirty work for her father before!" his father was shouting now but Enjolras was trying to sound quieter.

"Illegal flat because she didn't want her siblings to get beaten anymore! Worked for her father because she was forced to. You know nothing about her and I'm sure she's more than any other girl you've ever tried to introduce me. And..."

"Enjolras, that's enough." I whispered.

He looked at me, his look quite sad.  
I sighed.  
I know that my past isn't the most legal. But I've done what I've done and I can't change it now.

"I'm sorry," he said lowering his head.

I wanted to say him that there really isn't anything he shoud be sorry for. But his father interrupted.

"You're excusing yourself to her for nothing? I don't recognize you Enjolras. She's controlling you! She's making you to do everything she wants!"

"Stop."

Enjolras turned to him, his eyes burning.

"Now listen. She is the best of my life. She's showed me what the life is really about. Not your stupid money, politics and agencies. She gave me my breath. And when I left her, left her for your stupid useless agency, I have hurt her more than anyone. And I do not care if you do not like her. She is my family not you."

He shouldn't said that last sentence. He shouldn't mention anything about us.

"Oh, and this brings me to another thing. How could you think about marrying her? How can you bring such a shame on the name of our family?"

Enjolras' breathing fastened.

"Why are my decisions upsetting you? Why do you even care?"

"I won't allow that. She will not be your wife. Never. I can assure you about that. And I'm sending mother here. Maybe she will get something to your head. And be careful Enjolras. Be careful because you don't know what will happen."

And with that his father left the room. He slapped the door behind him and he disappeared.

Silence.  
Beautiful untouched silence.  
His calming blue eyes.  
His warm skin.  
Peace finally.

But it didn't last for too long.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**  
Another chapter. Sorry for the waiting again.  
Thanks for patience with me, reading, following, favoring and for reviewing too.  
This chapter is beta tested by amazing PhantomFandom. Really big thanks for making this story better.  
So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**A week later**

**Eponine's POV**

"You see Eponine, it's getting better," Sister smiled at me and for maybe the first time I felt, that this smile wasn't forced. It was true.  
It seems like I've finally showed leukemia I don't give up that easily.  
Sister left me just after that. Alone again.  
It's strange how things have changed. How the world around me has changed.  
My feet touched the ground as I stood up carefully. Maybe I'm winning now, but that doesn't mean I'm not weak anymore.

Enjolras didn't show up yesterday. I wonder why... but he'll explain. That is, if he even comes.

Walking through the familiar corridors, meeting familiar people, talking with them about nothing. My new daily timetable. Add meeting with the boys, Gav and Azelma, sleeping, reading and some other things and you have it.

After my sixth session with Dr. Klemens my state started to get better. He's a really good doctor and he still tries to help me. But the sessions aren't needed so regularly now. My mental state has been said to be more stable.  
It would be enough to tell me I'm not mad anymore. I don't need superlong titles of diagnoses... But that's how it works and I can't change it.

Familiar voices rang through my head. While my brain was processing who's face belonged to each voice, my intuition told me to not show myself.  
Finally, my brain preceded it. First voice belonged to Marius, second one to Courfeyrac.  
And soon, I started to realize what they are talking about.

"Just tell her!" Courf said, his voice more raspy than usual.

"I can't just walk in and tell her: Hi Eponine, your siblings are missing and we don't know where they are but don't worry, everything's fine? That's how you imagine it?" Marius said.

I didn't even listen to the end of the last sentence. Gav and 'Zelma!

"Where are they?" I jumped from behind the corner. Their looks were surprised then scared and finally shocked.

"Eponine..."

"Just tell me where they are!" I shouted, making every head turn to us.

I can't allow this! I can't see them get hurt! I must find them.  
Marius placed his hand on my shoulders and looked into my eyes.

"We'll find them. Now, you're going to your room okay? Don't do anything stupid please," he said, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

I nodded slowly turning to the direction of my room.

You can be sure Marius that I'm not going to do anything stupid. Let's just say it's risky.

* * *

They weren't in the flat. I should have known it. I was slowly watching the rooms I didn't see for months. Nothing has changed. I smiled, when I looked at the furniture covered in dust. Well, the two were never the types for cleaning.  
My look was attracted a piece of paper. It was so clean and white that it almost didn't belong there.  
My fingers slowly touched it, my eyes flying through the sentences.

I dropped the paper on the dusty floor.

And the only thing I was capable of thinking about was one place. A place called Underground.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Did they fall under the ground or what? They must be somewhere! I can't disappoint her like this. I should have taken care of them. And now they are nowhere to be found.

My eyes were running through the cold morning streets, trying to find something useful. As if I would find something.

"Enjolras?" someone from behind me called.  
I turned around and I sighed when I saw who the person is.

"Yes mother?" I responded as calmly as I was able at the moment.

"Enjolras, you must listen to me! Something horrible is about to happen!"

Her eyes were so scared that it was useless to deny her.

"So talk. What's happening?" I asked.

Maybe... Maybe he took them! And she knows about it.

"Your father... He's gone mad!" she cried and her long hair was falling into her face.

"Can you be more concrete?" I was loosing my patience. She knows how much I hate this.

"He came home yesterday and he took a gun with him. I've heard him talk about the Thenárdiers," she said and she was looking around herself as if she was being followed.

My eyes widened when I heard their name.

"What? What did he tell you?" I asked.

"Not to me. He was talking more to himself..."

"But what mother?" I sighed.

"That he mustn't allow something. That he'll use the two kids of Thenárdier as bait for someone. That that someone will never see you again. He was cursing all the time. He's gone mad!" she cried and she was ready to throw herself on me but I stopped her.

What is my father planning? He can't just use Eponine's siblings as a bite... oh, no. Not this.  
Is he really going to use them as a bait for her? But she is in hospital. He can't contact her. She's safe now.

I exhaled.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked her.

She shrugged, looking down on the pavement.

"Mother who knows what he's doing to them! Please, for their sake!" I said, expecting her reaction.

"Underground," she whispered and turned around to leave.

Underground... This is not good. This is really not good.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

I took a deep breath and slowly entered the Underground.

This place always scared me. I got goose bumps when the name of this place was mentioned.

Underground is a maze of old tunnels. It is known, that the worst of criminals are meeting there or even living there. Prostitutes, beggars, thieves, murderers, dealers...

It was day now, so it should be safer than coming here at night. But still... who knows what will happen.

I was walking silently, covering my face from the eyes of beggars and homeless which were sitting near the entrance.

"What do we have here?" some man stood up and grinned at me. Even in the weak light I was able to see his rotten yellow teeth.

My head lowered even more when I heard someone coming from behind me.

"New girl. She isn't bad looking..." the voice of another man whispered, with a cold, sharp voice which made me shiver.  
Well, this isn't good. I have a problem. A big problem.

The two men were coming closer and closer, forcing me to move to the wall. I closed my eyes ready for the worst.

"Hey you two! Stop, she's my sister!" a raspy voice came from the dark corner. The heads of men turned to voice, slowly backing from me.

I took a deep breath and walked to my savior or to another nightmare.

The shadow showed me to follow him. And I did as I was told. He may be different than those two. But he may be the same.

"Eponine why are you here? Do you know how dangerous this is? And in your state?" he turned to me, uncovering his face.

"Montparnasse?" I whispered.

"Yes. And now I am going to get you out. You shouldn't have come here."

He grabbed my hand and he started to lead me.

"Montparnasse no!" I whispered.

"End of discussion. You're going back," he said, not giving me a look.

"Gavroche and Azelma are here!" I raised my voice.

He stopped still not releasing my hand. His dark eyes found mine.

"Where are they?"

I gave him the paper.

He lit up a candle and started to read. His brows twisted as he handed me the paper back.

"It is fifteen minutes from here. Are you ready?" he asked and blew out the candle.

I nodded, closing my eyes.  
I can't let them get hurt. Whatever is waiting for me... I must take it. I can't go back. There's no way back now. I passed the point of no return.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

Underground. But it is huge. How am I supposed to find them in this labyrinth of tunnels?  
I sighed, entering.  
Poor people were staring at me, their dull looks full of hate.  
It wasn't the best idea to walk here in these clothes. They've recognized me as rich.  
I was walking not looking at anyone, hoping that no one would have the courage to jump at me.  
I exhaled slowly as I went behind the corner, breaking their line of sight. But I knew their looks were following me even when I didn't see them.

I was walking, dark tunnel in front of me. Something rustled under my foot. I grabbed my phone and lit the screen up.

Paper.

I took it and started to read.

No...  
How this could be here. Maybe Amis found it and they went here... or worse... She dropped it here.  
I should have known. But how is it possible that she knows about this? She wasn't supposed to know!  
My eyes reached the paper again.  
Now I know where they are... But I don't know how to get there! I just hope that it isn't too late.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

It was cold there. Colder than out of the tunnels. Small clouds of steam were leaving my mouth as I was walking behind him. I've lost the concept of time after the first minute here.  
Montparnasse turned to me.

"We are almost here. Do you still want to continue?"

"I won't leave them!" I said.

He nodded and he continued forward.  
There, from one room was coming a light.  
Montparnasse was getting closer and closer, I followed him.  
When we reached the entrance I wanted to jump at the man who was sitting behind the old table.

"Oh, so you have come to save your precious siblings. My son had truth. You're not like your father. And who's your friend here?" he said with an almost sweet tone of voice.  
I sent him angry look.

"Where are they?" I asked coming closer, ignoring Montparnasse's hand which was trying to stop me.

"Oh, here," he said and he pointed to my trembling siblings. They were looking at me desperately but their looks were sending me away.

I looked into his eyes. They were strange... dull and so dark... The eyes of crazy man. Were my eyes looking like this when I was trying to commit suicide?

"Let them be. You want me, not them." I said. He smiled at me coldly.

"You are right. I want to have a little talk with you. They can go. But you must stay here alone. Or there's the other option... I'll kill you. All of you."

He pulled a gun from his pocket and he put it on table. I looked at Montparnasse.

"Take them," I mouthed to him. He shook his head.

"Montparnasse take them or we'll die. Please, do it. Don't come back. Don't try anything," I said and watched the broken looks of my siblings.

I hugged them. Probably the last time. I didn't let the tears fall.

"I love you," I whispered and then pushed them towards Montparnasse.

"Thank you," I said and he lowered his head.

And after that they left.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**  
Another chapter.  
Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, favoring...  
Not beta read so sorry for my English.  
Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

"Montparnasse!"

I immediately felt Montparnasse's cold hand on my mouth.

"Be quiet! Or you'll kill her," he whispered in low deathly tone. His dark eyes met mine. They were waiting for me to nod and then his hand left my mouth.

"What's happening? Is Eponine there? Azelma, Gavroche, are you all right?" my voice was lower now, but it didn't hold me from dozens of questions.

"She's sacrificed herself."

When I looked at Gavroche, I wasn't sure if those words left his lips. His voice doesn't sound like his. It doesn't sound so broken.

"So what are we waiting for?" I was ready to run but Montparnasse stopped me. I was looking at him, anger in my eyes for sure. Her life is again in danger and he's standing here waiting for what? For him to kill her?

"He has a gun. He'll kill anyone who'll get there," Montparnasse said to me. Anger left my eyes. He'll kill anyone... But not me.

"He's my father! He won't kill me!"

"Your father?!" I found myself pushed against the wall, knife under my chin. Dark eyes were watching me, ready to kill.

"Your father?" he repeated.

"My damned father whom I hate. My own father who doesn't want her to be even my friend. My own father!" I spat at him.

I was able only to see her face in front of my eyes. Not pale, not bruised. Healthy. Healthy, like the day before I left her. This picture was in front of my eyes, covering me from the dark eyes which didn't leave my face.

"Montparnasse, let him be. If there's someone who can stop him, it's him!"

I was surprised by Azelma's statement.

Knife under my chin moved away slowly.

"Take the map. You have to get here and now you're here," Montparnasse's fingers were pointing on the places on dirty piece of paper. He probably realized, that this

"I'm warning you. If she'll be dead and you alive, I promise you, I'll kill you," this was his last warning. My heart clenched in fear, more of the thought that she's so close to death again. But I won't allow that. I won't just let her die.

I was watching his shadow and two smaller shadows of trembling siblings disappearing. And I was left alone.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

"So what do you want?" I asked him.

What does he want from girl like me? To left Enjolras? I can't. To leave this country? I can't. To kill me? He can.  
And he'll kill more lives than one if he'll take that mine.

"Sit down," he pointed on wooden chair behind the table, " I can see that you can hardly stand."

He was true. What did I expect? Running across the half of city and then walking through the tunnels Underground. And with my friend, leukemia I have to pay a price.  
But even if I'm tired, I won't sit. I won't show my weakness. Not to him.

"I would rather stand," I answered.

"Sit down!" he turned to me sharply.

_Don't do anything stupid, Eponine... Don't do anything stupid..._

Well, I said that it is rather risky. And now I am paying for it.

I sat down on chair, looking at him. He sat down too, lighting another candle between us.

"It seems, that I've been mistaken in you. I won't make the same mistake again. But I can't allow him to marry you," he started. My fingers touched the ring Enjolras has given me. Engaging ring. Strange warmth was running through my body when I touched it. Warmth of confidence Enjolras has given me.

"You're a low class. Too low for my son. How would I look like? How would my son look like to public? We're a respected family here. What would your arrival into it caused?"

I already know about this. I've tried to stop him. To stop Enjolras from loving me. Unsuccessfully. But it was years ago.  
I know that street rat like me shouldn't be married to a son of the well known lawyer. Street rat who've done bad in past.

"You know, I am not given an option, Eponine. But you are. I'm giving you three options," his sweet tone of voice started to irritate me. Why is he even playing on something he isn't? Why doesn't he just pull the trigger?

"Number one. I'll pay you, you'll leave him. Number two. I'll pay you and you'll left to another country. Number three you refuse to leave him. I can't allow my son to take you. I have a gun. And if you choose number three bullet won't miss your heart."

Number one... I don't want money! I want a peace finally. I want to hear silence, to see calmness, to touch happiness, to smell freedom and to feel peace. I don't want money.  
Number two... I can't leave my family here. And again, I don't want his money.  
Number three... He knows I won't leave him. I am not able to leave him.

I shook my head lightly.

"I don't want money," I whispered.

"Then what do you want? I can give you house, food, scholarships... Whatever you want!"

"You don't understand!" I yelled at him.

He felt silent. Everything around was silent.  
"Then I guess you don't give me another option," he said and he took a bottle of water out of his suitcase. He poured the water to two glasses, one putting in front of me.

"Drink it. It is last liquid of your life," he said.

Good move, but I am not that stupid. Only now I understand his whole game. Poisoning me.  
His gun maybe hasn't got any bullets in. Maybe it isn't even functional.

"No. Kill me immediately," I said playing his game. Unsuccessfully. He threw his glass away, liquid pouring everything around and he leaned over the table to me.  
"Drink it!" he said.  
I shook my head.

He came to my side but I was already standing. He pushed me down and took the glass.  
Well, the death is coming for me anyway. I wasn't even afraid of the death. I've died so many times in my life, that this real death is only another one of those false deaths.  
I almost saw the drops of liquid leaving the glass and falling to my forcefully opened mouth.  
But that moment didn't come.

"Stop immediately!"

Enjolras.

* * *

**Enjolras' POV**

When I saw him, forcing her to drink something, I knew what's about to happen. How dare he?

"Stop immediately!"

I jumped to her, tearing them apart. She looked at me surprisingly but there wasn't time for explanation. I was watching the man in front of me carefully.  
Has he really gone mad?

"Enjolras," he started.

"Don't tell me anything. I know that you don't want her in your family. Not in your, but I want her in my family. And you won't stop me."

"Enjolras, how can you say such a thing! I've thought, I've learned you something!"

"You've learned me nothing but to hate! To hate my own father! You're lawyer! Don't you fight for justice? So why are you here, making crimes and withdrawing justice?!"

To this, my father didn't say anything. Realization struck him probably.

"I..." he started but I shook my head.

"Leave us alone. If you don't want to accept her then go. Then I am not your son anymore and you aren't my father. I can change my name, I don't care. If you can't accept her, then don't. I won't force you. Just leave us.  
But if you want to accept her, then go, see a psychiatrist and then I will accept you as my father again. You can attend our wedding. You can see your grandchildren.  
Think about it. We're leaving now," I ended.

With that, I carefully take her trembling body into my arms.

Maybe we can live happily. But it seems, that life is still throwing something under our feet.  
She smiled at me weakly, and I felt, like her eyes are closing.  
The man, who created me was standing behind us, in the cold room. He didn't move.

"You want kids?" she smiled at me.

"Sure why not?" I laughed lightly.

Then there was silence. She was probably thinking. About what? Who knows...

"Well, what now?" she whispered.

"I'm taking you back to hospital. And we're getting married in two weeks," I smiled at her. I hoped that Marius won't object, if on his wedding day, there would be another bride.

"So you were playing on hero again," she smiled.

"Strange it left your lips," I laughed at her. She poked me and we both burst into laugh.

"Now, rest. I don't want you to sleep on our wedding ceremony."

And with that she fell silent. And I knew, she's left her fears behind.  
That she's asleep.  
And she'll awake.

And she'll live.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N  
**Last chapter of this story.  
Well, I have to say, I've enjoyed writing this.  
Thank you for reading.  
Big thanks is going to all my followers, reviewers, to those who favored this.  
Last sorry in this story for my English.  
Enjoy the last chapter and if you want post some review too!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

**Two weeks later  
Third person's POV**

A wedding. Such a beautiful ceremony.  
Two men standing in suits. One dark haired, one blond.  
Two women in white dresses, smiles on their faces. One dark haired, one blonde.  
Saying yes to each other. Promising their love to each other.  
Behind them, their siblings, friends, family. Even those, who've failed. Even those who said, they'll never see this moment

"Eponine, do you take Enjolras to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Enjolras, do you take Eponine to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

And they kissed, their dreams coming true.

* * *

"Are you regretting you choice?" she asked.

"No, and I never will," he smiled at her.

"And you know what now? Celebration! Alcohol! Food!" Grantaire shouted and soon Amis joined him.

"Best time to leave now, I would say," he said, taking her hand, leading her to car.

"Where are we going?" she asked, smiling, showing her dimples.

"It's a surprise."

"Why is some strange feeling of Déjà vu floating through my mind?" she asked.

He just smiled at her, taking wheel to his hands.

She was right about him. He was driving to that place again. The place which became his favorite place and nightmare at once.

"You know, I should've taken some other clothes," she sighed as she get out from the car, the white dress touching ground.  
It was late autumn, the trees were colorful, their leaves blowing in the wind.

"Why? You're beautiful," he smiled at her, taking her hand.

"Well, you don't have to carry this on yourself," she laughed.

He loved this Eponine.

They've made it. Together.

He healed her mind step by step with the help of psychiatrist. She was whole again.

Now, she was smiling, her state was getting better.

He kissed her gently, under the colorful tree. She smiled at him. And they stayed like this for hours.

They finally found happiness.

But still. They don't know if she's won. If she has beaten leukemia. Or if the leukemia will take her away.  
Only time will show it.

But till the time comes... They'll live the life. They'll live their chance which was given to them.

He kissed her once again. And she kissed him back.

* * *

**Eponine's POV**

Just my last words now...

_Life._

_What does it mean for you?_  
_Is it precious? Or is it just a usual daily thing?_  
_I tell you, you don't know the prize of life until you're loosing it._  
_How do I know it?_

Well, I've tried all the alternatives.

I was living, dying, trying to die, murdering myself, was almost murdered by another person. And I have to say that the worst one was when I was dying alone.

When there was nobody to help me.

So, live the life till it's time.  
Because when the death will come it would be too late to live it.

Let the life be one of the most precious things in your life.

And you'll be happy once.  
Dream, don't give up on hope, try... And when you fail try again. You'll make it once.

Don't loose your friends... Because they're only ones, who would keep you alive when you're dying.

So live.

Be happy.

And dream.

Once your dreams will come true.

And you'll found your own happiness.


End file.
